Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my kitchen. Freaked, but trying to be humane, I held out a piece of paper so it would climb on, and I would then put it outside. However, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to whack at where the spider was - my face. I stumbled around, disoriented; the spider got away. FML
Today, I saw a big, black spider on the floor of my bathroom. I promptly jumped up on the toilet seat, slipped off, and slammed my head against the wall. The best part? It was a tuft of my hair. FML
Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML
Today, I woke up on the top bunk of my bed with the birds chirping. I felt so energized, I gave a big stretch, and my hand hit the ceiling. I accidentally pushed the ceiling board up and lots of tiny spiders fell on me and my bed. FML
Today, I saw a spider crawling on the floor but had nothing to kill it with and it hid somewhere. So, I got dressed and went out and come home for a shower, and as I'm taking off my undies, something crushed and black fell out. It was the spider and he had been in my underwear the entire day. FML
Today, I was quietly having a bath when I felt something fall onto my shoulder blade. I glanced over my shoulder and saw what I thought were huge black spider legs. I screamed, completely hysterical, and I threw myself violently against a wall. It was my hair. FML
Today, while typing at my desk, I leaned back in my chair to stretch my arms. A spider dangling from the ceiling must have been watching me since it had perfect timing on its descent right into my open yawning mouth. FML
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Top comments
BadApple88 29
Spider -1. You -0.
_EnderDoge 22
Did you kill the spider, though?
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Comments (37)
peckerbeak22 14
Sorry, OP but I'm dying laughing over here hahahahahahaha. ?
cheyluvsturtles 30
the itsy bitsy spider caused a lot of harm!
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Made him climb on the bed. And then he bought the farm.
coolnopedude 11
Imagine this XD: Spider:Haha You are no match for me human Fan:*smacks spider*
Poundit 17
I've heard stories where bugs crawled in people's ears, mouths or noses. Hopefully the spider didn't do just that while you were unconscious :)!!
LyricaSilvan 30
God help us the day the spiders and ceiling fans begin to breed.
sillymama 21
Today, So, When I was exploring a new planet, I encountered a species much larger than ours, that walks on two legs and has shorter legs attached to its thorax with five short feelers that work like our fore-legs attached to its forelegs, seemed to give me permission to look around its body. I was sorely mistaken. This "creature" allowed me to get on its mini-legs then proceeded to toss me into oblivion on a a hard surface, something referred to by them as "a floor" and then the creature ran around on a huge mass set upon the said "floor" after an unexplained circular moving mass/thing hit the creature hard upon the poor creatures uppermost regions? I survived.... But How do proceed? Fml. The spider.
danm_1 28
Assassin spider strikes again! A spider family probably paid the assassin to do some damage after you previously killed one of their own. I hope you're doing okay now, OP and I sincerely hope that the spiders will move on swiftly
Batfan94 3
Follow up would be: "Furthermore, I have no idea where the spider is."
FacesOfHumanity 14
*spider crawls into your mouth while you are passed out*
rebeccacmlc 22
Hahaha this is absolutely hilarious ! But PS: don't kill spiders, they eat mosquitoes ...