Today, I caught a man screwing my girlfriend in my house so I lost my temper and hit him right in the jaw. He wasn’t hurt, not even a bruise. I meanwhile have a broken finger and a sprained wrist because, as he put it, “You really don’t know how to throw a punch, like… at all.” FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend's ex punched me so hard in the face, I couldn't see straight. But I got up anyway. I lunged at him, and nailed him in the jaw. Turns out I'd in fact just knocked out my girlfriend the on-looker. FML
Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by punching through a piece of old drywall karate kid-style. As it turns out, the drywall was actually a thin piece of concrete. I now have a busted hand and a girlfriend with a new story to tell all her friends. FML
Today, I caught my girlfriend cheating, so she smashed me in the head with her handbag so hard my eyeball is red from a burst blood vessel. I followed her home, where she tried to pretend she knew nothing, it wasn’t her I'd seen, she’d been home all day. I had to get the cops to drag her out my house. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a heated argument at a house party. To avoid a huge scene, I pulled her into another room, during which I managed to trip over my feet and faceplant the floor. She shouted, "Hah! That's what you get!" Now everyone thinks she beat the shit out of me. FML
Today, my friend got a text showing his girlfriend cheating on him. Sounds like his FML, but he was at my house. He then worked his way through a bottle of my whisky and went into a drunken rage. He threw my furniture through windows, punched holes in the wall, and smashed stuff until I had to call the cops. FML
Today, my friend found out his girlfriend was cheating on him. He came to talk to me, and I was happy to help him through this tough time… until he drank a bottle of whiskey by himself. He flew into a drunken rage and started punching holes in the wall and throwing furniture. Now my house is wrecked. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, I caught my best friend's wife being a cheating whore, and I told her either she told him the truth or I would. More fool me, she used the time I gave her to convince him I tried to sleep with her, so now he won’t believe a word I say, and he punched me in the jaw. FML
Today, I came home a few days early from a 3-month business trip. As I opened my apartment door, hoping to surprise my girlfriend, the man she's apparently been cheating on me with promptly punched me in the face. He thought I was a burglar. FML
Today, my bodybuilder boyfriend has been cheating on me, so I slapped him. He has such huge shoulder/neck muscle stuff, his head didn’t even move, and I dislocated 2 fingers. FML
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Top comments
FluffythePink 23
That's harsh. But he's got a point. If you don't know how to punch you will just eff your own hand up, as you have discovered. A straight front kick to the knee cap is much safer and there's a high probability that they'll feel that knee in bad weather for the rest of their lives. *This information is intended for self defense purposes only. Please use responsibly.
Yudith 28
Because only stupid asshats hit their girlfriend. Stupid because, in the words of a famous rapper, "hitting your girlfriend is like hitting your own Lamborgini". Asshat because, well, do I really need to explain it to you?
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Comments (3)
Plcx 8
sorry to tell you that : she found a real man
Radulf 10
Why did you hit him and not your, hopefully, ex-girlfriend. Unless you were in an open relationship, she broke your trust.
Yudith 28
Because only stupid asshats hit their girlfriend. Stupid because, in the words of a famous rapper, "hitting your girlfriend is like hitting your own Lamborgini". Asshat because, well, do I really need to explain it to you?
FluffythePink 23
That's harsh. But he's got a point. If you don't know how to punch you will just eff your own hand up, as you have discovered. A straight front kick to the knee cap is much safer and there's a high probability that they'll feel that knee in bad weather for the rest of their lives. *This information is intended for self defense purposes only. Please use responsibly.