Today, a girl was telling me how she was very stressed over her parents' divorce and moving away to another part of the state. While I was listening, I started choking on my saliva. She thought I was laughing. She hasn't spoken to me since. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friend was confiding all her problems to me over Skype. I pressed the mute button so I could let out a fart, forgetting I'd already muted it earlier. I broke several minutes of my own silence with a devastating wet one. Now she won't talk to me. FML
Today, while discussing my family on a date, I mentioned that my parents are divorced. She immediately got up and left without a word. FML
Today, at work, I misheard a customer telling me a story. To be polite, I did a slight laugh and nodded my head. She actually told me her mum had died. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML
Today, my mom convinced me that she and my dad were getting divorced. I have anxiety problems, so I had a panic attack. She then laughed, and said, "Just kidding, I wanted to see your reaction. It's the best so far." FML
Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML
Today, I tried to tell my dad that I was really struggling with my mental health and didn't think I could stay alive much longer. He laughed. This comes after telling my "best friend" last week and having to wait three days for a reply. FML
Today, I choked on my saliva during a medical interview. FML
Today, while giving speech in class, I choked on my own spit and had a coughing fit while everyone stared at me intently. When I finally regained my composure, my teacher told me my time was up and to sit down. I hadn't even got finished the first paragraph. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because "we don't communicate enough". She got her friend to tell me this for her. FML
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Top comments
mizzdavis 8
As someone who regularly chokes on their own saliva, I feel your pain. FYL
tommyfox 19
Don't get all choked up over this, OP. Things will get better soon.
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Comments (60)
mizzdavis 8
As someone who regularly chokes on their own saliva, I feel your pain. FYL
Bloodjoker 11
Ask her to teach you how to "swallow" :-P
s0m3guy2010 21
18- But first you have to ask yourself, "Is the swallow African or European?"
Gunnie 24
Monty Python and the Holy Grail!!!!!
doodlecloud 27
I was going to comment 'how does this even happen?!' Didn't expect the first comment to be someone who does that too....so....how DOES that even happen?
xXHollowIchigoXx 17
#37 As you breathe your mind decides to be an ass and swallows. This causes your saliva (or any other liquid) to go down the wrong pipe. It's kinda painful, and happens ALOT to me. Coughing is uncontrollable.
TogeBara 12
what are you, a turkey?
bReLiNg 18
Just explain it to her. She might understand.
thresh037 4
She'd laugh at him for choking on saliva
BellaBelle_fml 23
Yea, she might give it a little chuckle. It is fairly humourous to see happen to someone else because you can make some silly faces and noises when it does happen. But I don't think she would necessarily be laughing at him, or teasing him that much, over something so mundane.
tommyfox 19
Don't get all choked up over this, OP. Things will get better soon.
Snowkeys 11
How can a choking sound be mistaken for laughter?
Bakarra 22
Probably that split second throat sound you make can be interpreted as a snort. I bet that's what happened.
MuseFan1991 14
i hate it when this happens :/ it always happens when im in the middle of serving customers at work so i look like a goon.
mellingeramber 13
Or she may have thought that he was trying to contain laughter when he was just choking.
perdix 31
No problem, she's moving across the state. LDRs never work, even if they are just friendships. Try to swallow your saliva successfully when around your local friends.
ballerdudeee 4
My ldr works perfectly fine
gntfmlingnow 12
While I can see your point, LDRs can work. That's up to them to decide if they want to try it. Hell, for all we know they live in a state like Massachusetts where "halfway across the state" is an hour away at most.
Bakarra 22
Just face it OP, you really choked on this one, but don't get all choked up about it, hopefully you'll get a chance to explain yourself.
tommyfox 19
Just posted this joke before you did. Great minds think alike though.
Bakarra 22
I'm in a bad reception area so updating is slow my bad haha
Squirrel1256 15
She sounds like a very volatile person anyway, don't be too hard on yourself OP.
anythingmustbe 18
There once was a girl named Kelane, This girl she knew was in pain, She choked on her saliva, The girl thought it was laughter, Although she didn't, she couldn't convince, And thus they have not spoken since.
Ambient25 25
That's just.....AWESOME
McNikk 15
I'm assuming that you did try to tell her that you weren't actually laughing... Right?
rg350dx 29
Offer to take her to a comedy show to prove that your laugh sounds nothing like your choking on digestive juices does. Boom. Date and redemption.