Today, a co-worker asked me if I have a Facebook account, and I said I do. I had to politely smile as he spent the next half hour insulting me for supposedly being glued to it 24/7, before claiming that it's all a CIA front to steal people's social security details. Why are nutjobs like this even alive? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to a big job interview. Everything went well at first, with the interviewer being impressed by my CV. I was then interrogated over not having a Facebook account, and practically accused of being a criminal, because people without them "always have something to hide". FML
Today, I complained about being bored to death on Facebook. Someone took it as a suicide threat and called the police. They showed up at my apartment and my workplace. FML
Today, my boss yelled at me for having Facebook open at work. That's fine, I closed it and continued on with my work. In a meeting later on I could see the reflection of my boss's laptop screen in a mirror behind her desk. For two hours, I watched her scroll through her Facebook feed. FML
Today, my horrible boss sent me a Facebook friend request for the fifth time, in her attempt to not only bother me at work, but also through social media. FML
Today, I was caught going on Facebook at work. I was called into my boss's office to be reprimanded, and while he was lecturing me on the importance of staying focussed and the misuse of company property, his computer beeped. It was his Facebook chat notifying him of a new message. FML
Today, at the library, somebody left themselves logged in to Facebook on a public computer after they had left. Trying to teach them a lesson, I updated their Facebook status to something outrageous. That's when they came back to the computer after getting something from the printer. FML
Today, I purposely went offline on Facebook chat, just so people would think I actually have a life. FML
Today, my boss yelled at me for visiting Facebook on my work computer. He says that since I can't be trusted, I'll be supervised from now on. I was uploading pictures to the company's Facebook page, which I have to do once a week as part of my job. FML
Today, I found out my husband has a fake Facebook account that he uses to add guys and live a double life as some kind of "gamer chick". This would be disturbing enough, even if he hadn't used pictures of me to give a face to his alter ego. FML
Today, it was a coworker's last day. Over the last 6 months, he has been talking smack about me because he assumed I'd ratted him out for a Facebook post, ranting about our place of employment. I decided to confront him after work to let him know that I didn't do it. He then reported me for harassment to all of my supervisors. FML
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Top comments
MindFreakazoid 10
Because, friend, without nutjobs, who do we have to make most FMLs about?
bigtaytay 13
They're alive to troll
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Comments (129)
KingCeltic77 18
Facebook is pretty pointless so he might be on to something...
winkydog4056 16
Dear Mr. Perdix: I'm humbly informing you of your usage of the non-existant word 'gullible'.
perdix 31
#25, it normally doesn't exist, but you can make it appear by saying "Green Bears" into a mirror between 80-120 times.
white16sox 19
1) Use the PM system, it works just fine. 2) I hope with all my heart that you are just a terrible troll. 3) If you aren't a terrible troll and honestly believe that, then pick up a dictionary and hit yourself upside the head with it.
perdix 31
#35, you missed that reference to the old joke, "Do you know the word 'gullible' isn't in the dictionary?" A good retort is, "Well, did you know that 'redundant' is in there twice?"
SqueakyChipmunk 22
...is it wrong that I think 'Perdix' is pronounced "Pair o' dicks"?
perdix 31
#46, not if you say it with a smile ;)
white16sox 19
Eh, woops. Please feel free to thumb me down.
alishous 8
Why are idiots who can't think for themselves even alive? Maybe your the nutjob..? But who knows.... Oh wait, the CIA probably does.
skullofdarkness 18
They are alive because they are paranoid over everything, and thus are wary of every threat... Damn imperfections of the evolutionary process...
jessughka 10
When you go to work tomorrow, tell him your conversation was so interesting that you decided to post a Facebook status about it. That you wanted more people's opinion on the possible CIA interaction. Then ask him how to spell his last name to make sure you got it right. Gotta give credit where it's due for him giving you such insight into their operations. I'm sure that will leave him feeling very comfortable. Next time, walk away.
opoopu 8
Love this comment
SoylentCandycorn 10
Ask him: "Is your life so pathetic, that you have nothing to brag about except not having a facebook account?"
SqueakyChipmunk 22
If nut jobs weren't allowed to be alive, I'd be dead. Or hiding in somebody's attic while writing a diary.
hapy_pig098 13
.
hapy_pig098 13
From your profile you can tell your an annoying brat
hapy_pig098 13
Hey at least be glad there ARE even nut-jobs. If it weren't for them society gets unbalanced and there will be guys with pipes complementing one another's bow tie
AngelicTide 11
To give us rational people something to laugh at.
viper8608 9
it probably is.