Today, a co-worker asked me if I have a Facebook account, and I said I do. I had to politely smile as he spent the next half hour insulting me for supposedly being glued to it 24/7, before claiming that it's all a CIA front to steal people's social security details. Why are nutjobs like this even alive? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went to a big job interview. Everything went well at first, with the interviewer being impressed by my CV. I was then interrogated over not having a Facebook account, and practically accused of being a criminal, because people without them "always have something to hide". FML
Today, I complained about being bored to death on Facebook. Someone took it as a suicide threat and called the police. They showed up at my apartment and my workplace. FML
Today, my boss yelled at me for having Facebook open at work. That's fine, I closed it and continued on with my work. In a meeting later on I could see the reflection of my boss's laptop screen in a mirror behind her desk. For two hours, I watched her scroll through her Facebook feed. FML
Today, my horrible boss sent me a Facebook friend request for the fifth time, in her attempt to not only bother me at work, but also through social media. FML
Today, I was caught going on Facebook at work. I was called into my boss's office to be reprimanded, and while he was lecturing me on the importance of staying focussed and the misuse of company property, his computer beeped. It was his Facebook chat notifying him of a new message. FML
Today, at the library, somebody left themselves logged in to Facebook on a public computer after they had left. Trying to teach them a lesson, I updated their Facebook status to something outrageous. That's when they came back to the computer after getting something from the printer. FML
Today, I purposely went offline on Facebook chat, just so people would think I actually have a life. FML
Today, my boss yelled at me for visiting Facebook on my work computer. He says that since I can't be trusted, I'll be supervised from now on. I was uploading pictures to the company's Facebook page, which I have to do once a week as part of my job. FML
Today, I found out my husband has a fake Facebook account that he uses to add guys and live a double life as some kind of "gamer chick". This would be disturbing enough, even if he hadn't used pictures of me to give a face to his alter ego. FML
Today, it was a coworker's last day. Over the last 6 months, he has been talking smack about me because he assumed I'd ratted him out for a Facebook post, ranting about our place of employment. I decided to confront him after work to let him know that I didn't do it. He then reported me for harassment to all of my supervisors. FML
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Top comments
MindFreakazoid 10
Because, friend, without nutjobs, who do we have to make most FMLs about?
bigtaytay 13
They're alive to troll
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Comments (129)
bigtaytay 13
They're alive to troll
TrailblazerSS 5
Trolls suck.
sens3sfailing 25
Damn, OP must have created a facebook account after their last interview ended with them "having something to hide". OP just can't win!
decidedlyvague 11
I don't think verbally bashing Facebook is grounds for death. Although, you could've just walked away, or ignored him, or checked your phone, (if you can use a phone at your office, preferably a smart phone) and check your Facebook. If he says, "are you listening to me?" You reply, "Oh, sorry. I was just checking my Facebook."
doctorhook86 25
Anybody else think that as a government agency, the CIA would already have access to Americans' social security details anyway? And as far as social security details for non-Americans, I'm pretty sure the CIA wouldn't give a ****. Come to think of it, I'm non-American and I don't give a **** either.
Neorecon19 18
More or less he's a autonomous creature that is a living, breathing, trolling bastard child of the Internet itself.
Klefhomacked 11
Some people...
gc327072 31
I swear, this sounds like my brother with the "illuminati".
poindexter25 5
Yeah, and how there the ones who are going to cause 2012 and kill all the non-believers
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Speaking of 2012: I think that we should all pretend that the apocalypse really happened in December, make up our own war stories, and put it in text books. Anyone who denies it just had their brain washed by aliens.
EpicSquishii 21
40- Yoi and everyone else who's copied and pasted that very idea to their preferred social networking sites over the last three weeks.
Voldy_fml 16
All my friends tell me that as well. Pathetic.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I love how your name is 'Voldy', but there's a giant nose in your picture.
Voldy_fml 16
I'm special.
lilhellian 27
I don't suppose your name is Ed?
onlychildFTW 34
You guys need to get it right. It isn't the CIA. It is the FBI. They aren't after your social security stuff, they have access to that from a database. They are after information about your everyday life, friends and what you do with your time. They want to make profiles on people. If you are going to be a crazy conspiracy nut at least get the conspiracy correct!
FizzyApple 3
ALL of your friends are like this? FYL, Voldy!
MindFreakazoid 10
Because, friend, without nutjobs, who do we have to make most FMLs about?
internetqueen 1
Oh god. At least you were polite I would have started arguing back lol
perdix 31
To bring the truth to the gullible, naive masses. In an insane world, the sane man appears insane.
Crazynopantsman 11
Indeed. That's actually true. Not the social security part though. Federal agencies such as the CIA, FBI, Homeland Security do monitor certain Facebook accounts. It's all legal because of the Patriot Act.
perdix 31
A guy in the hot dog line at Costco pointed me to Project HAARP. If you're a conspiracy nut (oops, investigator), that'll make you add a few layers of tinfoil to your hat. Notice the public can only get aluminum foil, which is useless against mind-control rays. The gubbermint keeps all the real tinfoil for themselves!
MikeFoxtrot01594 11
#22 You don't have to part of any agency to monitor facebook accounts. It's at most cyberstalking.
Levvy 22
However, in an insane world, the insane man also seems insane.
sens3sfailing 25
84-arguably not. it all depends on your point of reference.
dhaxor 9
Too bad we don't sterilize the stupid and crazy people.
SApprentice 34
7- No. No, please don't joke like that. What's next, forced sterilization of clinically depressed people? Or people with religious beliefs that you don't agree with? That would make you like Hitler.
alishous 8
Yeah we wouldn't want you reproducing
FML_Whale 18
Because you know, people always keep the same views that their parents have.
pheebs314 17
Read up on eugenics. It's an idea that's common with the crazies... And generally frowned on by everyone else.
onlychildFTW 34
Lets sterilize everyone!! Yay!!!
astralvagan 20
Because unfortunately it's illegal to murder stupid people.
alishous 8
Yeah it's a good thing though, since we'd probably miss you so much.
0ops_i_died 8
Zing!
astralvagan 20
28, if it happened to you, I'd be out of a job since you need someone to wipe the drool off your chin
alishous 8
I'm happy for you and your drool wiping career!
pedosmurf 7
Maybe he slipped away from the asylum down the street.
obviousboy 8
Because its illegal to kill them. XD