Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted, "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML
Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Today, I pet my neighbour's two cats. They were at opposite ends of the same room, so I could only pet one at a time. When I pet one, the other one felt lonely and cried for me. I felt sorry for her. Cutest FML ever. FML
Today, as I was taking an evening jog around my neighbourhood, I passed an elderly woman. I grinned at her as sign of friendliness to a common pedestrian. She grinned back. Whilst staring at my crotch. FML
Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML
Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML
Today, I took my cat to the vet. The creepy vet looked me in the eyes and said, "This isn't the only pussy I'll be checking out today." FML
Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML
Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML
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Top comments
Tarak_fml 7
Epicly awesome
Bloodknight 22
OMG! I DIED when I read this, bwahaha! Thank you for the laugh!
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Comments (123)
Eelusive 0
I wanna say YDI in a good way, but if you can't see the humor in it then maybe not.
FederalAgent 0
witty perverted old people never get old
schinthalapuri 0
This is an mlia
xoluvinshayxo 0
lol i lovee that dudee!! :D
ScaryyMary 14
...Perdix lives in the UK?!?!?!
perdix 31
No, I just used "knickers" 'cause I saw the story was from there. I wouldn't mind visiting there because of a certain frequent FML contributor ;)
HarperGirl 4
Who's that
perdix 31
Just keep your eyes open. We comment back and forth quite often.
HarperGirl 4
you actually replied to me? i love your comments but i feel kinda shy online at times
Puls3ofth3maggot 0
perdix is a funny bitch! haha he's the only one i actually look for, he's never said anything that wasn't funny :D
ipownyew234 0
lmaooooooo whatttt a pervvvvvvv!
Andyangels27 0
too easy
Voids 0
LOL! that's too awesome to be a FML.
LeoV_fml 0
yumerz •.•
reecescuphoe 0
shhh...that was me dressed like an old man lmao