Today, a cat came up to me on the pavement so I petted it a little. An elderly man rode past on his bicycle and shouted, "I'd like to stroke your pussy too!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was walking down the street and I saw an old man, and me feeling nice I asked him if I could help him cross the street. He responded with: "Only if you let me touch your tits." FML
Today, while sitting on my front porch, my cat came up beside me. I started idly stroking her, only to turn and realize I was petting a wild raccoon. FML
Today, I pet my neighbour's two cats. They were at opposite ends of the same room, so I could only pet one at a time. When I pet one, the other one felt lonely and cried for me. I felt sorry for her. Cutest FML ever. FML
Today, as I was taking an evening jog around my neighbourhood, I passed an elderly woman. I grinned at her as sign of friendliness to a common pedestrian. She grinned back. Whilst staring at my crotch. FML
Today, I got naked after coming home. It's super hot where I live and I wanted to cool down before getting dressed again. As I was standing there, minding my own business, the cat I'm pet-sitting for a friend reached up and clawed me on the vagina. FML
Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML
Today, I was walking down the street and while stopped at a light, this old man waved at me. Thinking nothing of it, I walked through a parking lot to get to where I was going, where he not only followed me, but mistook me for a prostitute. It was 5pm. FML
Today, I took my cat to the vet. The creepy vet looked me in the eyes and said, "This isn't the only pussy I'll be checking out today." FML
Today, while I was in bed, my cat licked my nipple. It turned me on. FML
Today, I was singing to my cat and she reached up and put her paw over my mouth. FML
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Top comments
Tarak_fml 7
Epicly awesome
Bloodknight 22
OMG! I DIED when I read this, bwahaha! Thank you for the laugh!
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Comments (123)
jmanjonEs 0
Roflmao
XCAILIExCURSEDX 0
AHAHAHAHAH WTF damn i would kill myself if that happened to me
lvjordanln 0
bahahahahahaha thats amazing!!
BaBiiSpAnKy821 0
thats what they call a PEDALfile (: (hahah like a bikee )
emelvin 0
totally just died. thats great!! i dont see how this is an fml tho, if that had happened to me id still be laughing. too funny.
Eveline_Roze 0
epic! that would have made my day. lmfao
peacelove1297 0
omg is your name Olivia Jordan????
katiewubsmusic 0
You should have yelled after him, "What pussy?" He'd be like Oh SHIT SHES A ******* TRANS, I DUN WAN HER DICK!
Jonomazin 0
Hahahahahaha.
MangeMoi_fml 0
This upsets me. Most stray cats almost always run away when they see people..unless its like a neighbors cat or one you're very familiar with..you see Im trying to give yu the benefit of the doubt here..Ugh. This story seems too perfectly put together just to be able to throw the "stroke your pussy" thing in there. An on the off chance that this is actually true, then YDI for liking cats.
burgydagamer 0
then say, "Yea? come here!" then kick his balls