Today, my mom has officially lost 100 pounds due to a lap-band surgery. After sharing her excitement, she also shared her troubles. She said, "Everything hangs now, even my cooter. Can they fix that?" Thank you for the mental image, mom. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my mother told me I've gained so much weight recently, she thinks I should get gastric bypass surgery. FML
Today, I found out my mom has been telling my entire family I need surgery on my "Labia" instead of my "Labrum". I went from needing shoulder surgery to needing vagina surgery with one group text. Thanks, mom. FML
Today, I went to my parents' house. I recently lost about 30 lbs. My mom hugged me and said, "Aww, you're not my chubby baby girl anymore." She then said she wished I were still fat because she missed it. She's the reason I lost the weight; she used to tease and taunt me. Thanks Mom. FML
Today, I told my mom I lost 30 pounds because of an eating disorder. She told me to keep up the good work. FML
Today, I had the pleasure of listening to my mom tell me about how her and my dad's weight loss has helped them get more into it when they're being intimate. Suddenly I wish my parents were fat again. FML
Today, I complimented my mom with "Hey, I think you lost some weight." She replied with "Yeah, I think you found it." FML
Today, when my mother-in-law told me I was losing weight, my husband started laughing. FML
Today, I told my mom I want to get liposuction. She said "Whats the point? Its not like you can get lipo on your face!". FML
Today, my mom came home from surgery. Upon arriving home, she flashed a paper in my face and said, "Want to see pictures of my colon?" My eyes are still burning. FML
Today, my friend was complaining to me that she's gained 20 pounds and it's all gone to her butt and boobs. Meanwhile, I've also gained 20 pounds, and it's gone straight to my stomach. She looks better than she did before. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
Don't leave us hanging, OP, what happened? Was it curtains for her cooter, or does the pendulum still swing?
saIty 17
Tell her to pull it back with some rubberbands and clothespins.
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Comments (100)
claudzzzz 5
ewwwwww lol
sexygirl25 3
It probably already was hanging she just couldn't see it!
skip_m 6
So long as it doesn't pick up dirt as it drags across the ground.
poindexter25 5
That gave me a mental image OP
PoodleJuice 7
Does your cooter hang low? Does it wobble to and fro? Can you tie it in a knot? Can you tie it in a bow?
bott_fml 4
Thanks for sharing those mental images with us, OP!
olpally 33
I think we're all scarred from reading this fml.. *vomits*
thecrapblog 8
Gross... That's all I have to say...
perdix 31
No, not on purpose. She can try sitting over a hot-tub drain and see if the problem gets resolved in the rescue. It works with old men's balls.
Malaki929 3
I think i just threw up a little. There's not enough therapy in the world to help unsee that mental image