Today, I was cleaning out my bedside table when I came across some condoms I bought on my 18th birthday, to use the first time I had sex. They expired five years ago. I'm still waiting for my first time. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my friends were all talking about the first time they bought condoms. I can still remember the first time I bought them; in fact they are unopened and expired in my bedside table. FML
Today, the condoms I bought a few years ago as a celebration of dumping my girlfriend due to a lack of sex, have expired. Every last one of them. FML
Today, I was cleaning out from underneath my bed and found a used condom. I've never had sex in my own room. FML
Today, I was cleaning out my room and picked up my bed and found a condom. I'm 15 and still a virgin. FML
Today, I had to throw away twenty condoms that were all expired, because that's how active my sex life is. FML
Today, I found a used condom in my bed. I haven't had sex in months and now I'm terrified. FML
Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML
Today, I was cleaning my older brother's room in my mom's house after he had just moved out with his girlfriend. I guess I was multitasking a little too much and not paying too much attention to what I was doing and I realized 15 seconds later, I was holding a used condom in my right hand. FML
Today, I realized I bought 30 condoms last year. I now have 29. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
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Top comments
imajinethat 0
Well, the good news is, you just got ****** by life. :) Congrats.
Animati0n 0
So? It's not a bad thing.
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Comments (257)
OMGQueenB 0
#144, nothing to be proud of. Just shows you're easy / shallow / a horny, careless moron with nothing better to think about than sex or who you have it with. Whilst yeah, that sucks, there are other things to think about. Sex is tooootally overrated, it's just sex. That said, it's good enough to not wait til marriage. Sucks for you, go out and meet some ladies at a bar or something. Get a girlfriend. Whatever. Just stock up on some new condoms.
fretforyerlatte 0
#41 ftw. seriously? it's not that hard to get someone to sleep with you. just go out and meet people. talk to women. (or men, we don't know OP's gender/preference) i assure you, they want to have sex just as much as you do. i'm not saying you're ugly, because we have no idea, but it doesn't even matter. ugly people get laid every day. just go get it. i gather from the fact that you even wrote an FML about it that it's not self-induced abstinence. if it was that would be another thing, and nothing to be ashamed of. but if you wanna get laid, go get it! oh and stop pitying yourself, that could be what's keeping people away. good luck.
ArtsySwag 0
OMG @ all the people who didn't know condoms expire... WTF?! That's really sad. Being a virgin myself, I don't see anything wrong with being a virgin, unless you're one by force. Don't feel saddened about this realization. You can always be productive and work to change your situation :). If all else fails, hire a prostitute :P.
shroomis 0
lol #32 6 years if it was me...i might cheat on you or break up with you but op i wouldnt worry about it just go to a few parties
dreamofme 0
#90 - Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it doesn't work. People who wait until marriage aren't in it for the sex. It's just an added bonus. I can honestly say that every time I've turned down sex from one guy to the next, I haven't regretted it once, and I'm freaking 20 in a hormone ridden college. Something always comes up that makes you say "Oh - I'm really glad I didn't sleep with THAT guy." #102 - LOL. #121 - Way to hate on some random 16 year old who isn't even ugly. At least he put a picture up - unlike you. Embarrassed much? ...For everyone who's dumb enough to not know that condoms expire... your parents probably didn't know either. Lol.
cuberto 0
When you buy them, don't they have a few years till they expire? Haha and it was another 5 years after they expired you found them. Woww that sucks dude, sorry.
Polionixon 2
Well #1 when your slutty.... i'm sure it's not hard for u to get laid at all :)
Dogmaw 0
First, get fresh condoms. Second, go to Nevada and get a pro. Third...well, I've got nothing else, I just like having 3 points :D
Vagrarian 2
You're just a late bloomer. Took me a while, too, and I've known people who really didn't become sexually active until their 30s. My problem was a serious lack of confidence and assorted issues with depression and self-esteem, and I also wanted it to be with someone I cared about...not necessarily loved or felt was THE ONE, but cared about. My first time was pretty rotten, to be honest, but looking back I've had quite a few adventures and now my sex life is more fun and adventurous than many other people I know. I'll echo the others to work on your confidence and self-esteem, maybe even talk to a therapist who might be able to help you a bit with those issues.
terrta_merrta 0
There is at least one good news, you don't have STD's