Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my wife and I were having amazing make up sex after several months of painful separation. Halfway through, she screamed for me to stop, climbed off the bed, and ran into the bathroom. She spent an hour screaming and crying, then came out and emotionlessly told me to leave. FML
Today, I got dumped during sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. By making out with her new boyfriend in front of me. FML
Today, some filthy creep grabbed my girlfriend's ass in front of me. I smashed his face in, as would be expected. Afterwards, we had wild sex, then she cried, told me how frightened my "unprovoked violent response" made her, and kicked me out. I'm now in a seedy motel, wondering what the hell happened. FML
Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, after having a fight with my boyfriend, we had what I thought to be the best make-up sex, because he seemed so happy and upbeat. Turns out he misunderstood. He was happy because he thought it was break-up sex. FML
Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML
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Top comments
Aew 17
That's a cold, calculating ex girlfriend. She has excellent brakes as well.
Googolman 29
Well, you have to admire her impeccable timing.
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Comments (74)
DarkStorm2Bad 14
I wonder if anyone's noticed the fact that all that is mentioned is a huge fight? I mean, it could have been started by anything! Even so, she deserves at least a good steel-capped size 13 boot up the arse for being so deceitful.
FattMatt01 7
Swerve!
iAmPaul 49
This FML reminds me of that scene in The Wolf of Wall Street.
orbit 22
The one with the people doing that thing?
booyons 8
Dr. Seuss says; "You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch. You're a nasty wasty skunk. Your heart is full of unwashed socks. Your soul is full of gunk, Mr Grinch"
Ditagein 14
holy shit, she knows not to let anyone **** with her
MAXINEEE 4
You spelled "cum" wrong... You spelled it as "come"
ksks1234 33
No, they spelled it correct.
Levvy 22
Believe it or not, you two, there are some words with more than one acceptable spelling.
nasajd 9
He did not misspell it; Come = erotica Cum = badly-written ****
rocker_chick23 27
It can be spelled come or cum.
inowhtthefoxsays 20
Epic. Ex-girlfriend wins. Flawless victory.
678bebe 15
damn sucks
SystemofaBlink41 27
Apparently, you fit the code for blue-balling. At least she has some ethics in her own evil.
Artemishuntress 8
op that was cold just like your shower sorry it happened to you she knew your body too well