Today, after a huge fight, my girlfriend started coming onto me. I thought it was actual make-up sex and went along with it. It was great, until she suddenly shoved me off her just as I was almost ready to come. She smugly announced she was dumping me, got dressed, then left. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend and I were going to get intimate, so I masturbated before leaving my place, hoping it would help me last longer than usual. 10 minutes in, she shoved me off and started screaming at me, convinced that I've been cheating on her and practising with someone else. FML
Today, my wife and I were having amazing make up sex after several months of painful separation. Halfway through, she screamed for me to stop, climbed off the bed, and ran into the bathroom. She spent an hour screaming and crying, then came out and emotionlessly told me to leave. FML
Today, I got dumped during sex. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I got into a huge fight. She kicked me out of the apartment and told me to never come back. Devastated, I waited outside of the apartment door for hours, hoping she'd reconsider. I ended up falling asleep. I woke up to her foot stomping on me, screaming, "I meant it!" FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. By making out with her new boyfriend in front of me. FML
Today, some filthy creep grabbed my girlfriend's ass in front of me. I smashed his face in, as would be expected. Afterwards, we had wild sex, then she cried, told me how frightened my "unprovoked violent response" made her, and kicked me out. I'm now in a seedy motel, wondering what the hell happened. FML
Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML
Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML
Today, after having a fight with my boyfriend, we had what I thought to be the best make-up sex, because he seemed so happy and upbeat. Turns out he misunderstood. He was happy because he thought it was break-up sex. FML
Today, after a week of intense fighting, my girlfriend of 4 years and I hung out. She told me she loved me, and I pointed out that last week she said she was going to dump me. Without missing a beat, she replied, "Only to scare you into submission." FML
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Top comments
Aew 17
That's a cold, calculating ex girlfriend. She has excellent brakes as well.
Googolman 29
Well, you have to admire her impeccable timing.
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Comments (74)
Schrypt 15
you're better off without her
Eleora 19
Damn... that's cold.
akorpija 12
So cold even his balls turned blue!
flutterby789 8
you must have really pi**ed her off!!
slyde32 12
is that censorship really necessary?
foxwasalamb 24
y*s it is!
Hiimhaileypotter 53
The website is **** My Life. We don't worry about censorship here. ;)
Enslaved 38
No. The website is called FMyLife. The F just stands for ****. Why can't she censor herself if she wishes? Can you not figure out what she meant?
piedpiper303 29
You give '*****' on other peoples pages. I don't think they care about censorship #56
MarissaLovesNick 12
Sorry but your "ex girlfriend" is a ****. She just wanted one last time to **** you and then dump your ass.You deserve better just saying..#BlueBalls
kerstileann 26
#FUCKYOURHASHTAG
allplayedout 20
All of that indicates somebody who's devious and mad as hell (especially since we don't know what they were fighting about, maybe OP deserved it); in no way does it suggest "****--" whatever the **** that actually means anyway.
worldclassrager 41
She played her cards right...you on the other hand got completely owned... Well time for you to find someone better
Stryker_13 19
We need a follow up on this! I can't decide if he deserved it or not, cause what was the argument about? If it was something touchy then I would understand. But even then, it still might be too cold of her.
teentee401 37
Even if the guy was the asshole in the situation, what the girl did was cruel and unnecessary. If she really was that upset, they could've either talked it out, or she could've just dumped him. Instead she chose to lead on OP and be a conniving bitch about it.
YoursAlways98 13
I'm gonna assume that you did something really bad. If not than, yeah, fyl.
Tegz0rz 12
Brutal.
renrioku 15
That's not using sex for domination, that's using sex to be evil. Also it doesn't make her a psychopath, just very cruel.
renrioku 15
Always have Palmela Handerson to help him finish.