Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and things started getting pretty hot. That is, until I tried to remove her shirt. Somehow, I managed to grab her pajama shorts and give her a violent wedgie. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were in bed. She slipped her hand under the duvet, and I got all excited thinking she was going to give me a hand job. She was actually pulling out her wedgie. FML
Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
Today, I was having sex and wanted to move to the wall, so I picked her up, got my foot stuck in my blanket, and dropped her on the floor. FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML
Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML
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Top comments
Welshite 40
OP: "Oh my manhood! My womb raider! My baby-maker custard launcher! " Girlfriend: "It's a penis. "
Tripartita 45
"Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff" Ah, yes, an erection. "… cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen." Ah, yes, so still an erection.
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Comments (27)
rustybucket 24
You can say the word "penis", it's okay.
charliewhippet 9
YDI for using the word "manhood".
xx000o 27
Be thankful that you still have your manhood attached.
darnellq 13
So she grabbed it and held on long enough for you to get an erection and then made the reason that she wanted more covers? That kind of doesn't make sense. I mean unless you got an erection in the literal second it takes to grab covers and pull.
cuz803 46
Spank her for being naughty
zeeba_neighba 10
From your name: two inches longer might be worth the discomfort ;).
NeneJPhilly 8
Bro, I'm so sorry. I know I blindly reach for covers. I pat around for them then when I think I have the edge, I rip them over me. It doesn't always work out...
jxr24313 5
must be hung like a tic-tac if she didnt feel it through the covers
Wickedwildjoker6 2
I know your pain. Mine kneed me so hard in her sleep that I couldn't move very well the next day.
HeroHog 10
LOL! Did that to the wife once with a hand full of her pubes! I once made a "tent" and she said "you wish" thinking it was my hand, grabbed it and was surprised to find the real deal. Ya gotta be careful what ya grab in bed!