Today, I noticed my new neighbor had taken the liberty of putting up signs all around their lawn overnight. There are at least a dozen signs detailing the various reasons everyone on the planet is condemned to hell. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my new neighbor just put up really loud wind chimes. I just got a ton of letters under my door, stating if I don't take them down, they're going to file a noise complaint with the building management. She owns her condo, I don't. FML
Today, my husband is very liberal. Normally this is a good thing, but the people across the street have put out a TRUMP sign and he's gone nuts. He built a massive HARRIS/WALZ sign in our front yard and is hassling the rest of the neighborhood about it. Half of them are putting out TRUMP signs out of spite. FML
Today, I discovered that my neighbors had held a secret "meeting" to discuss how annoying my "constant singing" as I go about my days in my apartment. They even made a petition, with over ten signatures, asking me to "cease and desist." FML
Today, I watched as my neighbor walked to my front lawn, looked me right in the eye, and pissed on my mailbox. FML
Today, I was woken up by the police pounding on my door, saying I was under arrest for stealing road signs. My friends went drinking last night and thought it would be funny to steal seven stop signs, four bus stop signs, and two children crossing signs, then plant them on my front lawn. FML
Today, it's been 3 days since I moved into my new house. I'm already known as the neighborhood racist, after some dicksplash thought it'd be funny to tape a sign to my door overnight that said: "DO NOT RING IF YOU ARE A NEGRO AND/OR JEW." FML
Today, at WalMart, I saw a guy taping a sign that read "Hide and seek world champs!" over the lost children board. I chased him out of the store, then came back to take it down. As I was trying to remove the sign, a huge crowd began cursing at me and threatening me. They thought I'd made the sign. FML
Today, I met my new neighbors. The first thing they did was build a fence. FML
Today, someone put dog turds underneath all the decorative reindeers' butts in my front yard. The chief suspect is my curmudgeonly, holidays-hating fuckball of a neighbor. Last week he repositioned them in very suggestive poses. FML
Today, I got home from work to find my house covered in graffiti dicks, the windows smashed, the front lawn entirely ripped up, and my letter box containing dog shit. I also found a note taped to the door saying, "Suck on this Darren". Darren is my next door neighbor. FML
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Top comments
HSOMGF 5
Tell them to move to Kansas and join the WBC.
MrDiezel 3
What does this have to do with you
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Comments (117)
perdix 31
I'd be disappointed that he stopped at only 12 or so. I can think of hundreds of reasons that we are all condemned to hell. The two most recent, for instance, are our collective fascination with Charlie Sheen (and how many of us guys secretly wish we were him) and how we, as a race, screwed Justin Bieber out of the Best New Artist Grammy. Yeah, Esmerelda Spalding may be talented, but she isn't the force of nature that The Bieb is. Tell your neighbor that Sloth is one of the Deadly Sins and he'd better get cracking to make all the signs really needed to illustrate our doom.
BonJovi821 3
Oh wow, holy shit... The SECOND I read that comment I got a spam mail from a radio station in my area about the "Live Like Sheen Sweepstakes" where you can live like Charlie Sheen for a day in a strip club. I think you may be on to something about Charlie Sheen...
belieber1209 0
BIEBER!<3
xGraycloud 4
hmm, I'd love to live in THAT neighborhood.
fluorescentadole_fml 8
haha it's like Ned Flanders (except not lovable)
instnt1nfction 17
I see what you did there
GeneralLeeAdyck 0
lmao I love your neighbor
Sargasm 4
To retaliate, I'd put up a sign that says "RELIGION IS BULLSHIT" and "GOD DOESN'T EXIST". Freedom of speech, right folks?
eeMay 0
If you don't have a homeowner's assn, check your city ordinances to see if that's allowed.
lionh3art 0
I'd spray 666 with grass killer in the middle of their yard lol
iwadasn 33
They didn't do anything to the OP's yard. Why should he/she do anything to theirs?
kay729 7
are they jehovah's witnesses?
tangerine_12 0
Westboro Baptist Church? They're a bunch of crazzzzies!