Today, I'm hiding from my creepy next-door neighbor. She constantly trash-talks my partner of two years, she's mentally unstable, looks to me for support, has a raging crush on me, and she drunkenly tried to make out with me last weekend. I'm two months older than her daughter. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm hiding in my own house, because my crazy neighbor wants to "play." Yesterday when I agreed, she made me spend the whole day with her, then burst into tears when I had to leave. She's been waiting outside for over two hours. FML
Today, I moved into my new apartment. My neighbor is apparently crazy and thinks I'm trying to 'steal' her husband. She watches me and is super paranoid. I have a two year lease. FML
Today, I found out that my seemingly innocent 80-something neighbor has been stalking every girl in the neighborhood, and considers me his girlfriend. FML
Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML
Today, I started dating my crush. Turns out she's a living nightmare. FML
Today, I found out that I bought a house next door to crazy people. She asked me if I would mind not showering when her husband is at home, because he can hear me and knowing I’m naked on the other side of the wall turns him on, which is a nuisance for her. He’s unemployed. He’s always at home, the creep. FML
Today, I was questioned about a request for a restraining order filed against me by an old woman. According to the report, she's seen me "walking near her house and waving at her" for the last two months. I've been her next-door neighbor for a year and a half. FML
Today, I signed a two-year lease on a house. My next-door neighbor said she's in love with me, threatened my girlfriend, and won't stop blasting Taylor Swift. FML
Today, and since we moved on base, my neighbor’s wife has tried to have an affair with me. I got tired of it and told him. He blew smoke. I found out she’s in a cheating wife’s club, who all defend each other. She proclaimed to all our neighbors that I’m a predator and I'd attacked her. They believe her instead of my wife, who saw everything. FML
Today, my psycho ex-girlfriend showed up at my new job to, "Keep an eye on me." The same ex-girlfriend who has been stalking me since we broke up. Two years ago. FML
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Top comments
Death_Hoe_Inn 10
Tell her you have invisible herpes. Everywhere.
Ren_Uchiha 11
I believe it's time to move, OP.
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Comments (52)
kickass1stbase 7
I think it's time for a restraining order!
Lucious306 7
Can't you get a restraining order?
Oliver_Bento 3
Can you perhaps "see Russia from you neighbors back yard"? If you can. Run.
neurodoc 1
If things were to happen, just make sure her dentures are removed so that she doesn't go all "bobbitt" on you with the intent of demanding exclusivity to her. Buahahaha.. Don't worry, If it were to ever happen we have a trauma surgeon (docbastard) right here. :P FYL bro. ADT up your house and tell her that you have HIV and herpes and you have this habit of scratching your ding dong. (Then offer her a hand shake)
GothickNihilist 15
OP although that is very unfortunate , and a true FML imagine how the daughter feels . Maybe this woman has a mental illness , and can not or perhaps will not get help. I feel really bad for you , your partner , and her daughter. Perhaps a good long talk is in order for all involved . I hope the situation gets better rather than worse. Good luck and I wish all of you happiness from here on out.
lacespace 8
Huuuuumor site.
perdix 31
Give into her and perform really badly. If you can't afford to move, this is your only hope.
darawbs 0
Offer to take her out and then behave like Tourette's Guy the whole time. :D
akrasnova 1
Ms. Robinson?
onorexveritas 24
I second #7 xD
grasshopper02 2
Do you live in Santa Cruz? I used to live next to her..