Today, I found out my girlfriend and all of our friends have begun referring to the time I was meant to lose my virginity, but couldn't get hard, as "The Cheese Stick Incident." They all think it's hilarious, and the worst part is that it's actually a pretty appropriate description. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my girlfriend told me what turns her on: cheese. FML
Today, my parents thought it would be appropriate to tell my girlfriend that I used to stick my penis in a sock puppet and talk to it when I was younger. FML
Today, my evening was shot to hell when I found my pregnant wife on the floor, sobbing because we'd run out of cheese sticks. FML
Today, my girlfriend refered to her vagina as a meat wallet, and to my penis as small change. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML
Today, I realized that my life would make an excellent meme: Nerd girl goes to college, finally loses virginity; gets chlamydia. FML
Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML
Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend for the first time in over a month. When I came, I thrust one last time and let out a huge fart. She couldn't keep her mouth shut about it, and now all our friends keep calling me "CumFart". FML
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
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Top comments
sharkgirl4 23
On the plus side, cheese sticks are delicious. Maybe that will work in your favor?
AviKerensky 17
You cheddar make it work next time.
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Comments (85)
Chiroptera_Man 10
Aw cheese, better luck next time.
sharkgirl4 23
On the plus side, cheese sticks are delicious. Maybe that will work in your favor?
OysterPearls 33
Sweet dreams are made of cheese...
foxwasalamb 24
who am i to diss a brie
LocsOn 13
cheese stop this.
RagingWill 17
One of these puns is the grater one.
cre8tvlylicnsd 14
Munsters. The lot of you. You Colby jacked the conversation!
jbgillas 5
These cheese puns make me blue...
thief1434 23
Sounds Gouda to me!
jalmanza2580 11
these puns made my day
pjsr 33
OP, are you Jack? ...from Monterey?
OlChickenBeard 16
Unless she's lactose intolerant.
Queen_of_Night 20
These cheesy puns are unbrielivable. Too Gouda to be true in fact. I believe they'll get fetta with age though.
cre8tvlylicnsd 14
I harvarti think its the time for such cheesy puns. If you all keep this up, you'll end up forever provolone. Now say your prayers, rub the Gouda's belly, and meditate on your actions.
shanebob 15
Well put 16, well put indeed
shanebob 15
You guys really shredded this comment thread
cre8tvlylicnsd 14
Grilled cheezus crust...
19990231 29
I'm just trying to wonder how all your friends know about this?
cheeeksss 29
OP said his girlfriend and friends. So I'm assuming his girlfriend blabbed..?
19990231 29
At least he didn't cut the cheese
doctorhook86 25
#30: Actually that would probably be much less humiliating for the OP.
AviKerensky 17
You cheddar make it work next time.
Rawrshi 25
Gouda pun! I snickered and I'm not sorry.
royal_ranger 12
Grate pun.
orbit 22
Stop feeling so bleu. Cheese your sensitive.
tony1891 22
these puns are cheesy no? fine. I'll stay over here provalone.
cheeeksss 29
I'm sorry they aren't sensitive to your feelings. But in all honesty, it's quite common for one's first time to not be good, or to be embarrassing. I know mine was. Try your best to not let the remarks bother you. It's only fun to pick on someone if you get a reaction out of it.
BlindlyWandering 17
agreed, if you laugh and joke about it too it will make you less insecure about it, and take some of the pressure off you to perform well next time. Plus if they see it doesn't bother you the fun will wear off for them and they'll stop. Sorry to hear that happened to you, but it really isn't uncommon and you shouldn't let it get to you.
Murkyy 15
I bet that makes you feel very secondairy
Eliseopwns 22
My deepest condolences.
Enslaved 38
Did you also get bleu balls?
R2Y2 22
Your friends are really extra-sharp when it comes to descriptions, eh? Happens to some of us, it's something to work on but nothing to be ashamed of.
vreid 20
That's horrible that your girlfriend would talk to your friends about something personal for you two! My condolences OP.
Ki11erC 18
Nothing said it was personal to them, just hat t happened. Could of bee last gf.