Anonymous
This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff
United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
The Crank
Today, the closest I came to doing something that could be vaguely construed as "constructive" was wanking and crying. Sometimes simultaneously. FML
Top comments
dudeitsdanny 10
Are you so bad you can't even satisfy yourself? e.e... I'm sorry, this is just pathetic.. Crying and masturbating? masturbation guilt? I.. I can't even fathom this. How can you even get off while crying?
flockz 20
BUT I CRIED THE WHOLE!! oh wait u didnt have sex.....
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Comments (212)
bunnee905 5
Lovely...
PushMyButtons 5
Can you even get off while crying?
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
Yes, it is, if your a masochistic you love crying when you wank. sounds horrible, but to the it's a great time.
DynamicDave 11
Tears make the best lube.
ReptarSwag 4
you sound like a total man for jacking off while crying alone
Eaglestrike117 29
You... deserve it?
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
Sorry 24 but, when would you jack off while crying without being alone? xD.
ReptarSwag 4
good job stating the obvoise assclown
cptcook 0
Dude really? Your pathetic kill your self NOW, bc your a failure at life
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
Sorry, I didn't know there was such a thing as "stating the obvoise" But I think you obviously need to learn how to spell/ insult someone ;).
iSitt 0
They're both cathartic.
ReptarSwag 4
I microwave babies.
YourEvilHero 12
children's tears make the best lube for pedobear.
juicedboi 7
I fail to see the constructive part here. But good on you for multitasking. Going at it while thinking of dead puppies must be harder than it sounds.
VeroAnne 11
I didn't know a man could multi-task so well. Congratulations OP!
RetardedBullFrog 4
51, at least he knows how to spell assclown, because that's what he is.
fluffy_nuggets 0
forever alone...
Nanall 15
My question is what are you getting off on? This is odd.
We_Li_Ve_Fr_Ee 0
Hey OP, be happy that you only have to cry to get off. Some guys can only get off while wearing a Batman suit and strangling themselves; you know that's how Kenny died.
dolphincheddar 10
Plentyoffish.com?
YourEvilHero 12
wish I remembered what I said to get my comment moderated.
Stiffilz 0
oh god...if you're going to insult someone do it properly FFS!!!
margie2194 12
Multitasker!! Thats what the look for in an employee :)
Friaza 29
It sounds pretty depressing...
proxxX069069 7
So that's how he died ?
TaylorSaysMoo 4
Now you need to get out more.... Good luck with life
PaperNinja 0
Oh my dear you lonely lonley guy go **** a fattie there gratful for the attention ( this is a quote to The Inbetweemers which is a british tv show (movie out Aug 19th 2011) i have no problem with fat people :)
heyguysitsjosh 8
2- You're stupid. OP you're a loser
hellbilly205 17
I thought this fml said vaginaly reconstructed for some reason
Squirrelx 5
Was perhaps another man wanking you in the car and a 5 year old saw...?
Po1ntBlank 0
lame FML reference >_>
flockz 20
BUT I CRIED THE WHOLE!! oh wait u didnt have sex.....
flockz 20
...TIME!!!
rottentomatoes 7
Win!
chuckychan 8
Try playing twister. that's fun and constructive
tylersign 11
60- I think op needs to play twister with an attractive lady friend if he's gonna play twister.
ILoveEmoes 9
Preferably in their underwear.
LordGoober 13
Naked twister with girls is the way to go.
ipodlover1995 0
Doesn't matter, had sex.
halofan48 0
Sees ad in paper... “ am looking for a fun gal to play twister with”
Tonyjb09 0
Lonely Island FTW
idontcare8l 3
No clue what you said to many fancy words
Enslaved 38
Did you at lease understand wanking?
idontcare8l 3
I understood wanking crying and silmutaniusly but that about it, so i just asume he was crying while wanking
Bakayarou_fml 0
36, he never said closet ..
iloveeyouuxD 9
#67 I think he meant closest
RetardedBullFrog 4
You could've grabbed a dictionary or go a website, helpful shiz dawg for all your word problems. If your on a phone, theres an app for that.
jondivey 9
You're a moron.
Captain0bv10us 0
Please don't reproduce
Captain0bv10us 0
Please don't reproduce
Captain0bv10us 0
Please don't reproduce
Captain0bv10us 0
Please don't reproduce
lotto_boi 3
Captain obvious its obvious'ly your a idoit
A7X_LoVeee 10
"Captain Obvious it's obvious that you're an idiot." Derp.
Squirrelx 5
140- Seriously? Don't talk if you can't.
dpgft10 0
I would call you retarded but that would be offensive...to retarded people
teelife 3
**too
halofan48 0
Get a lady friend...
KingOfOreos 0
46 volunteer yourself plz :)
TripleD76 1
^ win
halofan48 0
Painting, arts and crafts suckkkkkkk
tandem123 6
Or keep doing what he's already doing. He seems good at it
dudeitsdanny 10
Are you so bad you can't even satisfy yourself? e.e... I'm sorry, this is just pathetic.. Crying and masturbating? masturbation guilt? I.. I can't even fathom this. How can you even get off while crying?
Soloman212 28
Some people are into really strange stuff.
harrywestt 0
is there even such a thing a guilt form a wank? coz I haven't heard about it
ShinigamiKurosak 0
he has a crying fetish
whatsittuya 2
Probably watching the end of witchblade.
kialuvsyoo 3
EXACTLY what I was thinking. Pretty sure I couldn't get off while crying...
TriciaMarie 0
Maybe he used his tears as lube... Lol.
Molski 5
Cranking?
ghostychi 9
Sounds like fun. Now if only u could challenge that kind of effort into more positive pursuits.
Skeleton_fml 1
Well....
santel_fml 8
Ewww disgusting
Prolusive 5
I think he's quite far away from 'well', I might even go as far as saying he's unwell.
penelopecruise 2
"When masturbation's lost it's fun, you're ******* lonely." Old school green day anyone?
p3t3rrrn 0
Heeelllll yeeeaaahhh!!!
vergaso 0
it's the other way around retard your less lonley because you have a girl after sex one could argue jacking off gets boring
astarazhna 1
:)