Today, I was walking to school with my earphones in, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I was shocked, and whirled around to hit him in the crotch. I soon realized he was just trying to return the commuter pass I'd dropped at the station. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML
Today, I was sitting on the train when some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed, "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML
Today, I was walking around school alone and felt someone tap my back. I laughed and turned around to find no one was there. I felt confused when I felt the tapping again, which is when I chose to yell at the nearest person, "What?!" I later found out it was a bottle in my backpack tapping me. FML
Today, I was walking on a main street downtown. Suddenly, I felt someone slap my butt. I turned around, expecting to be my girlfriend who was to meet me there and almost gave an old homeless man a kiss on the cheek. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, on the way home, a guy yelled "Hey, YOU!" from behind me, so I walked faster. He ran up to me, shouting, "I said stop, asshole!" I almost pissed myself in fear, thinking I was being mugged. Turns out I'd left my wallet at the grocery store, and he was just trying to return it. FML
Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML
Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML
Today, I was on a packed bus when my phone rang. I tried to answer, but my wired earbuds got tangled. I tugged too hard, yanking my phone out of my hand. It flew forward, smacked a man in the forehead, then bounced into a stranger’s coffee cup. FML
Today, I was on a bus and a man was feeling up my butt. I was just about to step on his foot when the bus stopped and he slipped out. Only then did I realize he'd stolen my wallet. FML
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Top comments
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Why the hell would that be your first reaction? "Somebody tapped my shoulder - I'm gonna punch their nuts!"
Lucious306 7
You're way too paranoid
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Comments (136)
SuHanaOk 4
Atleast you're prepared..
lidsthesquid 4
For what? Acts of kindness? •_•
cameraobscura83 3
That escalated quickly...
SHUTTHEFRIGUP 3
You're a ****
diaz11bravo 0
More like FHL
NigerianMedicine 11
Ouch for him. If you are afraid of rape and/or a mugging, a concealed carry license can work wonders. Especially in the not-so-nice neighborhoods of New Orleans.
tf5f89 7
Maybe so, but if this person's first reaction to being tapped on the shoulder was to punch the tapper in the balls, I'm not certain whether she should be packing.
valvmonster 9
Great idea! "Excuse me ma'am, you drop-" GAT GAT!
laden_swallow09 35
48- As a conceal carry licensee, I can honestly say that anyone like OP with a knee-jerk reaction for a cockpunch is not fit for conceal carry, be it a firearm, Taser, or pepper spray.
outoftown 27
#48, No. Just no. If someone startles that easily, the first thing to do is NOT wear the ******* earphones on the street!
NigerianMedicine 11
This is suggesting she's been through the mandatory training course in order to receive her permit. And maybe no more caffeine for a while.
fordneagles 34
If you are that paranoid, why the **** are you walking around with earphones in? Turn it down or better yet, take them out. Save some nice guy like that the risk of getting his nuts punched.
LGuard 13
You make me sick, hitting a man in the crotch unless it is absolutely necessary is assault in its self no matter what your paranoia or past experiences are like. You can be punished very harshly for such a blatant disregard for a mans health an wellbeing if they were to take you to court for it. Get some mace or if that isn't allowed maybe learn defensive fighting, don't be a wretch.
klovely22 13
Good news is, you know how to protect yourself. Bad news is, he may never be able to have kids.
FalconSam1414 19
A bit too strung up aren't you???
babalooisbabaloo 5
Statistics say that most rapes begin with a touch on the shoulder...
laden_swallow09 35
Where'd you hear that?