Today, I was walking to school with my earphones in, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I was shocked, and whirled around to hit him in the crotch. I soon realized he was just trying to return the commuter pass I'd dropped at the station. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was walking to class, when a kid came up behind me and smacked me in the face a few times until I fell to the ground. I rolled over and he said, "Oh shit! Wrong person, my bad." FML
Today, I was sitting on the train when some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed, "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML
Today, I was walking around school alone and felt someone tap my back. I laughed and turned around to find no one was there. I felt confused when I felt the tapping again, which is when I chose to yell at the nearest person, "What?!" I later found out it was a bottle in my backpack tapping me. FML
Today, I was walking on a main street downtown. Suddenly, I felt someone slap my butt. I turned around, expecting to be my girlfriend who was to meet me there and almost gave an old homeless man a kiss on the cheek. FML
Today, a guy grabbed my ass at the mall. I whirled around and went to sock him. He ducked and I accidentally hit the elderly woman standing behind him in the face. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement. FML
Today, on the way home, a guy yelled "Hey, YOU!" from behind me, so I walked faster. He ran up to me, shouting, "I said stop, asshole!" I almost pissed myself in fear, thinking I was being mugged. Turns out I'd left my wallet at the grocery store, and he was just trying to return it. FML
Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML
Today, I shouted, "Fuck off!" out of reflex when I felt someone behind me grab my bag and pull it off my shoulder. It turned out to be an elderly man with a walking stick, who was trying to steady himself in a busy crowd. FML
Today, I was on a packed bus when my phone rang. I tried to answer, but my wired earbuds got tangled. I tugged too hard, yanking my phone out of my hand. It flew forward, smacked a man in the forehead, then bounced into a stranger’s coffee cup. FML
Today, I was on a bus and a man was feeling up my butt. I was just about to step on his foot when the bus stopped and he slipped out. Only then did I realize he'd stolen my wallet. FML
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Top comments
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Why the hell would that be your first reaction? "Somebody tapped my shoulder - I'm gonna punch their nuts!"
Lucious306 7
You're way too paranoid
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Comments (136)
kikiquickhands 2
...Why is your immediate reaction to being tapped on the shoulder "KICK! AIM FOR THE CROTCH!!!" Honestly, that's just retarded
truckdriver321 3
Ya you're a ******* retard
Goddess_Rummy 13
Nowadays, no good deed goes unpunished.
corytheg 6
I would have torn it up after that
verkaderk 9
Hittin those prescription meds a bit hard are we?
FayeFearless 6
Lol you have ninja reflexes or what?
stormchaser24 24
Yes, because that is how most muggings go. Tap on shoulder "I am mugging you". Nice reflexes op.
aperfectxdeath 3
Can't mug someone who doesn't know they're being mugged. You gotta get their attention somehow so you can have them hand over their things. :)
Levvy 22
Er... yes. You can mug someone who isn't aware. In fact, it's a pretty prime strategy. Force them to the ground, dig in pockets, snatch their purse, whatever else. It's a violent theft, not a polite exchange of services.
murphdarkly 13
Sounds like OP is a bit of a douche, doing that to someone who just tapped you on the shoulder.
jenniiienyc 5
He tapped you on the shoulder, he didn't punch you in the back of the head. Calm down, killer.
ShyAnn29 15
You never know, maybe something bad has happened to OP before, perhaps she was mugged, or raped, maybe that's why that was her first reaction.
snbr91 3
Today, I saw a girl drop her commuter pass. Trying to return it, I tapped her on the shoulder. Instead of thanking me, she turned around and punched me in the nuts. FML
afropuffjake 9
I agree, your life sucks.