Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was taking a piss in my toilet, and my cat came and jumped up onto the toilet bin and looked at what I was doing. Instinctively, thinking she'd jump in or something, I grabbed her while I was midstream, causing me to piss on her, and on my hand. FML
Today, I sat down for a poop. The toilet seat slid off immediately, taking me with it. I lay on the bathroom floor for a moment, stunned, still pooping. FML
Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me because he loves toilets. Everyone was sleeping so I went pee but didnt flush. My cat jumped onto the seat and fell in. I had to lift him out and then wash him. He hates water though, so I was scratched by my cat who was dripping with my own pee. FML
Today, my cat pooped in the shower. How did I find out? I didn't see the poop when I got in. I slipped in it, and smacked my head on the tile wall. FML
Today, my cat fell into the toilet, jumped out, and ran straight to hide in my bed. FML
Today, I discovered my cat is bathroom shy when I accidentally walked in on him relieving himself. He jumped about 3 feet in the air and bolted out, launching feces and pee all over the bathroom, hallway, and my shoes. FML
Today, I woke up to go pee and my cat followed me into the bathroom as usual. Then, in a not so usual fashion, she tried to jump from the sink to the top of the toilet, missed, and fell into the bowl while I was peeing. I'm scratched in a bad place, I have urine to clean up off the bathroom floor, and a traumatized cat. FML
Today, I discovered that my cat recently had explosive diarrhea, and couldn't make it to the litterbox in time. I discovered this when I stepped in the very, very fresh poop with my bare feet. FML
Today, after a 2-hour meeting, I rushed to take an urgent dump. Unbeknownst to me, my urine was not hitting the porcelain bowl, but rather the underside of the lid. As it pooled around the pedestal, it soaked my pants, underwear, and when I stood up to button my pants, it got on my shirt too. FML
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Top comments
Buttsexpirate 9
I can just imagine OP sitting back down only to hear a *squish* and then that *Wa Wa* music play and OP puts their hand on their forehead and shakes their head
Pelreskovich 11
That's shitty. Could be worse, could have pooped on the cat. That would have been wonderful to clean up.
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Comments (117)
Pelreskovich 11
That's shitty. Could be worse, could have pooped on the cat. That would have been wonderful to clean up.
RobDawgz 7
All your comments make me smile!
Pelreskovich 11
Aww, thank you! I'm glad! :D
karmicsamadi86 9
That would have been hilarious!
Pelreskovich 11
Giving a cat a bath = scratches. Giving a cat covered in shit a bath = feces infected scratches. Not funny at all!
Katastrophe101 8
Cat scratch fever?
bigtaytay 13
How did the cat manage to reach your ass while u were sitting down? And (If you're a guy) if the answer to that is u were peeing, y would u sit down when going back to the toilet? This is fake
kmerritt10 6
He was in the middle of taking a shit? Once you start you gotta finish
upyourzlolz 11
This is what happens when you let 12 year olds make conspiracy theories.
danceforever51 4
TMI
upyourzlolz 11
Actually, it wasn't too much info. OP had given a very through explanation on his poor poop accuracy to give us a full understanding of why his life sucks.
KiddNYC1O 22
TMZ!
Bullpine 11
Maybe I'm just being stupid, but how does that work? How does a cat come up behind you while your on a toilet? And why were you naked, sitting on the lid?
RadioOctopus 16
Pants are usually down when taking a dump
GDIZZLE93 11
Toilet seat* OP pooped on the seat on the way up, didn't notice because of the ninja cat attack, and then proceeded to sit down on the defecated seat.
Bigboned38 0
Nana nana boo boo, stick your head in dodo
bri_maselli 0
Damn you tosh.. -_-
TwinArmageddons 4
Hahahahahahahaha
Epsilonyx 15
Does your cat usually chill with you while you do your business?
blacksswan 10
Why do people gotta take their cats to the bathroom with them?? I would feel so awkward if my cat sat there watching me do my business on the toilet. Make them wait outside.
LaughinStock 16
^ Hehehe kitty couch potato :D
VeganVampyre 27
I don't have a choice. My bathroom door doesn't latch properly, so even if I close it she can (and always does) just push her way in. And to make it even better, she doesn't just watch me. No, she has to be sitting on my lap, or at least rubbing against my legs. Can't really say I find it awkward though, just annoying. I mean, she's just a cat..
Hakando 5
Pooh lady
MrBob96 0
Sittin' on tha toilet.