Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity." I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, and ever since we announced our pregnancy, my mother-in-law has invaded our home, taken over my hobby room, and tries to run our lives. I tried to go to the pub for a pint, one solitary pint, and she came and dragged me out by my ear, because "drinking is a sin", and I hadn’t done the dishes yet. FML
Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML
Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML
Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML
Today, my future mother-in-law finally admitted that I'm "not the girl for her son" and that she will do anything to break us up. FML
Today, I visited my in-laws, whom I thought I was on great terms with. I soon learned that wasn't the case when my mother-in-law yelled at me about how I've been abusing her for years. Ten minutes later, she hugged me and asked me for grandkids. FML
Today, after agreeing to hang out with my husband and his alcoholic mother after his father’s suicide, my mother-in-law found out that my sister-in-law and I playfully insult each other. She lost her mind and practically bit my head off, relapsed, and blamed my “disrespecting her daughter” on said relapse. FML
Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML
Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML
Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
mofran 0
the **** is wrong with your mom....
slick5880 22
How does one go about "molesting towels?"
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (119)
Ins_Knie 2
Should have stuffed one of those towels in your mom's mouth at the right time...
BlackFireGeisha 4
Ugh, 'give' you their daughter? What is she, a car?
Dogbite1313 5
The proper respectful way of saying he is wanting to ask permission marry one day, also know as giving her hand away. It's very old tradition, also goes along with during the wedding the father of the brides gives away the bride.
TexasMud 8
Shiiiit... Cars and women are one in the same. They both want money They come in many colors Hopefully, they both are curvy Some whine Some are loud Some are fast Some have damage Some are repairable Many leave you stranded Others never go Well I could go on forever, this isn't a bad thing. If I related a woman to a car it should be taken as a compliment
silentbutfunny 0
Its more so the fathers side of things, he was the one who raised and protected the girl, more or less chasing of the horny ***** in the girls teen years (cleaning the shotgun before the first date anybody?) SOO... the fiance is requesting the fathers approval, to make him look better than the random guy who wants to knock her up. Eventually (if they have kids) repeat cycle. At least thats the way i think of it. Of course the woman has a right to ignore her father and get married anyways, unless she has a legitment reason, thats really harsh since he raised her.
tripangelx8 4
dude. its called toilet paper
OfficeNinja 5
It's ok. Every family has one drunk, who gets tossed and says inappropriate things at gatherings. Your future in-laws know the drunk in your family is your mom, meaning NOT YOU. That is good. But now you need to discover who the drunk on her side is!
pussapian 3
Sorry OP, ure mom is ******... To say the least. This is why I don't drink, when I do , apparently I say stupid things I don't usually say ....
patzz12 0
I molest towels....
bamberbear 0
Lol I love the user name!
SheepShoop_fml 20
Molesting towels is certainly not purely a singles thing. They come in handy for spills, slips, and specific seasons (menstruation). Just get a dark red one. Sorry OP.
hoonyer 17
THOSE POOR TOWELS!!! How do you live with yourself OP?!?!
skyeyez9 25
In other words, you jack off into your towels and leave them on the floor for somebody else (mom) to clean up? Ydi.