Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity." I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, and ever since we announced our pregnancy, my mother-in-law has invaded our home, taken over my hobby room, and tries to run our lives. I tried to go to the pub for a pint, one solitary pint, and she came and dragged me out by my ear, because "drinking is a sin", and I hadn’t done the dishes yet. FML
Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML
Today, my drunken mother told me I'm just like my father and that I don't give a fuck about her. She's living in my home and drinking my wine. FML
Today, my "future" wife got drunk in front of my parents, who she was meeting for the first time. She called my dad a piece of shit and told my mom she wants to tear her own eyes out. FML
Today, my future mother-in-law finally admitted that I'm "not the girl for her son" and that she will do anything to break us up. FML
Today, I visited my in-laws, whom I thought I was on great terms with. I soon learned that wasn't the case when my mother-in-law yelled at me about how I've been abusing her for years. Ten minutes later, she hugged me and asked me for grandkids. FML
Today, after agreeing to hang out with my husband and his alcoholic mother after his father’s suicide, my mother-in-law found out that my sister-in-law and I playfully insult each other. She lost her mind and practically bit my head off, relapsed, and blamed my “disrespecting her daughter” on said relapse. FML
Today, my in-laws invited us over to dinner. I decided to help out in the kitchen and watched in horror as my mother-in-law licked every utensil, sucked her fingers while making the plates and slurped wine straight from the bottle. My husband said I was rude for refusing to eat. FML
Today, my wife made me go with her to dinner with her parents, despite their long-standing hatred of me. Later on, my mother-in-law muttered to me, "I made yours special for ya", smirked, then made a show of scratching at her butt-crack. FML
Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML
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Top comments
mofran 0
the **** is wrong with your mom....
slick5880 22
How does one go about "molesting towels?"
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Comments (119)
thingamajiga 5
What exactly do you do with towels?
skyeyez9 25
He wanks into them then leaves them on the floor.
c0c0_fml 16
If I were you I'd be scared of what she might do on your wedding day... If the wedding is still a possibility..
Fmlsea 28
That's why u take the alcohol away cause people act like dumbasses on it . Don't worry they shouldn't judge u harshly they prob will forget it
imcutefml 0
It shoulder be chester the towel molester
jebron 13
Give you their daughter? Are we back in the 15th century?
Fmeonce_shameonu 15
Chivalry does exist, and having her parents on your side ALWAYS makes life easier. When you become a big boy and get a girlfriend of your very own, you will understand. Till then..
Callyn 47
Chivalry was a system designed around keeping women in their place. If you want to treat a woman with respect, just do that and treat her like a human being. You also don't have to ask for a father's permission to marry his daughter in order to get him on your side. If someone did that for my daughter it'd be a surefire way to get on my bad side.
jebron 13
I have no objection to chivalry; impressing her parents or keeping them onside, even asking the father pre proposal. But the idea that they would "give" their daughter is anathema to me. When you pull your thumb out your ass you might understand.
KiddNYC1O 22
Will the people that are butt hurt over the "give me their daughter" part just move on with your lives?
skyeyez9 25
They act like he said "Your daughter. Give her to me. Now."
KiddNYC1O 22
Or "How much to finance this one?" lmao.
djxerxes9000 18
I love the fact that people are offended at the phrase "give me their daughter" it shows that I'm right in hating generation Y for being clue less dumb ***** who think chatting on face book is actually having a conversation and being social. morons. oh FYL op that shit ain't right
TheJester12 15
and by den of depravity , she means your ever lovin' asshole. keep momma away from the drinks.
davek 36
Towels? Use a sock like everyone else.
ronski 41
Peanut butter jelly time