Today, my future father-in-law showed everyone a picture of his poop because it was "shaped like a banana." My fiancé's whole family thought it was funny and "looked more like a banana than last time." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother told my boyfriend a cute story about me when I was little. The one where my cousin and I were caught pooping in a urinal in the church basement. FML
Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML
Today, I was sitting on the toilet, pregnant as ever, and really sick. I asked my fiancé to bring me a pair of clean underwear. He did so and brought me some lacy underwear. They weren't mine. FML
Today, I had to announce to the whole house that I was going the bathroom, because the lock on the door is broken. Before I had the chance to wipe, my dad loudly burst through the door, stark bollock naked, to take a shower. FML
Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML
Today, my mother gave me a bottle of stool softeners as a gift at my baby shower. FML
Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML
Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job Mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML
Today, I found out that my dad is actually my uncle, and vice-versa. FML
Today, my mom confessed to me that she used to pluck my step-dad's butt hair. I hope the brain-gods delete this obnoxious mental picture. FML
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Top comments
iOceanus 18
Poop a watermelon. Your poop will definitely win!
Ambient25 25
I pooped a Nickelback album once...it still sounded the same
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Comments (78)
iOceanus 18
Poop a watermelon. Your poop will definitely win!
feelingold 18
What a great family. I pooped a whole f*cking chess set the other day but did I get any appreciation from mine? No.
lincolnkite 6
I pooped and took a 3D picture with my 3DS. I think that wins.
Ambient25 25
I pooped a Nickelback album once...it still sounded the same
Wimoweh 10
And we have a winner! The award goes to Ambient25!
tommyfox 19
***incoming onslaught of shitty situation puns*** BRACE YOURSELVES!
olpally 33
You already said the phrase anyways... BE PREPARED FOR THE DOWN-VOTES! As for this fml, this is just disgusting. Who does that? What a bunch of freaks. *shudders* blah.
pmadNess 16
#30- you'd be surprised how many people take those pictures and not only show them around, but also text them... I am in agreement with you though! I'd rather not see it...
Sandman366 6
41-If someone tests me their poop, I'm throwing poop on them. Followed by soaking my hands in bleach. (And maybe my eyes and brain.)
Pussycat86 18
I have a friend who likes to text me pictures of her vomit! But thank god no poop yet! Maybe this will happen when we take our friendship to the next level loool
etishuman22 32
"Welcome to the family!" That's okay, OP. My boyfriend's dad likes to tell the same joke every time I'm visiting: "I told my friend at work that I pooped and left it in there for him to see. It's in stalls 2, 3 and 4!"
interesting33 37
I don't understand this joke..
etishuman22 32
He pooped so much that he had to poop in three different toilets.
TotallyAradical 14
That's so terrible that it's hilarious.
akiahara 14
Sophistication at its finest.
feelingold 18
The irony is that his actual "banana" (ahem) looks like a piece of shit.
mantiquillas 2
Haha no
happylawyer 16
Do you realize that chances are your future husband will do similar things?
JenkJenks 6
I think the gene for banana shaped poop is recessive.
metalhead4740 14
Come on people, don't call it a shitty situation, call it a situation with the essence of fecal matter. Have some class...
BVBarmy_girl 22
Nobody has actually called it that.. yet. c:
metalhead4740 14
Eh well someone was bound to say it sometime. Why wait to address something when you can get it out of the way first? C:
BVBarmy_girl 22
Hence the 'yet' (; I was just pointing it out. xD
Pussycat86 18
I was about to :p thx for ruining my banana shaped comment
SpamPam 18
What is it with people and being proud of their poop!?
ForeverAloneGal 23
Has he been practicing? Sounds like great improvement.
doctorhook86 25
#11: What's with everybody being ashamed of their bodily functions? Everybody poops! Get used to it.
pmadNess 16
#40- Yeah, everybody does... But I don't care to have it passed around like a family photo. "Oh, and here's the one of my banana poop!" "Proudest day of mah life!"...
shorty6823 28
Everyone's family has at least one weird quality.