Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a coworker thought it would be funny to put a tack on my chair. When I sat down, it went directly into my butt. When I sprang up, I hit my head on a lamp. I then hit my head on my desk on the way down. FML
Today, while joking and chatting with a coworker on my way to the bathroom, I misjudged the distance to the entrance and slammed my head into the wall. My coworker told everyone. So now I'm funny, but not for the reason I wanted to be. FML
Today, at work, the most handsome guy walked in. Starstruck, I went to greet him and then take him to the owner's office, only to promptly walk really hard into the corner of the door frame, smacking my forehead. I have a massive bruise and my boss won't stop laughing. FML
Today, at work, I decided to try and impress this girl walking behind me by holding the door open for her. As she was walking through, I inadvertently pulled the door too hard. It slammed against the wall and ricochet back, hitting her right in the face. FML
Today, I was in the elevator with my female coworker and a very attractive teen in front of us. My coworker reached out and grabbed the boobs of the teen in front of us, and blamed it on me. I got yelled at, kneed in the crotch, and punched in the face. My coworker couldn't stop laughing. FML
Today, I was at work, when I got bored and started spinning around in my chair for a little fun. As I was spinning, I went to grab my phone. I missed and sent my phone flying, hitting my coworker in the face. My boss witnessed the whole thing. FML
Today, at work, I leaned back in a chair too far, causing me to tip over and smash my head into a wall. If that wasn't enough damage, my boss keeps replaying the security footage to everyone I work with. My head hurts not from the fall, but the loud laughter that keeps coming from inside the office. FML
Today, at lunch I was running to my group's table with my friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on my belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled 'SAFE!' like a baseball umpire. FML
Today, at work, I tripped and fell face-first into a food display. As I picked myself up, totally humiliated, I tripped again and fell right back into it, earning a bunch of pitying looks from nearby customers. FML
Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job, an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML
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Top comments
fightingkittens 39
Surprise buttsex? Oh, I'll probably get hell for this.
sux4u121 10
I would look at this as a good thing. Sure you may have embarrased yourself but she is clearly interested in you.
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Comments (45)
MrMizzouBound 7
Well, now you know that you have a shot, just don't let it slip away. ;-)
laden_swallow09 35
This, too, shall pass.
johnny_derp 3
that is sexual harassment.
screenager5 35
I sincerely hope you're joking! because normal people don't fly off the handle due to a simple ass slap and call it sexual harassment. and it seems like OP has some sort of a friendship with his female coworker, which makes that seem even more ridiculous.
johnny_derp 3
a "simple ass slap" IS sexual harassment. it might not have been to OP but in general, it most certainly is sexual harassment (which is a crime) and in no way appropriate behavior for work. people just need to know that so they can stop devaluing the experiences of women who have been sexually harassed (a terrible experience that has been known to cause PTSD, and is misogynist and degrading).
Flesheatinmonkey 3
Make it funny you'll both laughing about it one day
Jirekianu2 19
Imagine the shitstorm if the genders were reversed
cartedor 18
Can't believe you had such violent reaction to a little pat on the butt. You just saved yourself a few months of sex with a hot girl.
denden_mushi 11
If this was written differently, you could say that this was sexual harassment. It's kind of interesting that way.
SillyGirl4602 23
32, what were you trying to say?
_charliebrown_ 3
#75 AMEN. You spoke from my heart.
icepick23 12
Next time you see her, walk right up to her and pinch a nipple or two. Hey, she started it...