Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted, "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML
Today, I woke up to a phone call from my boss's wife. She demanded to know how long we'd been sleeping together. When I denied her allegations, she screamed that she knew all about my "history of sleeping with married men." I'm a virgin and I have to work with him tomorrow. FML
Today, I was yelled at and fired by my boss. He claimed that I've been sleeping with his wife. I've never met his wife. FML
Today, a huge and angry man stormed into my work and threatened to kill me if I didn't stop sleeping with his wife. He then threatened to come back and kick my ass if I so much as texted his wife again. The problem is, I'm married, have never cheated and I work for my wife's father. FML
Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML
Today, my wife woke me up by punching me in the balls. Apparently, while I was napping on the sofa, she came in and decided to lie with her head in my lap. While she was scrolling TikTok I sleep-farted on her head, so she punched me. I was asleep, so I feel like the victim here, I call bullshit! FML
Today, I caught my best friend's wife being a cheating whore, and I told her either she told him the truth or I would. More fool me, she used the time I gave her to convince him I tried to sleep with her, so now he won’t believe a word I say, and he punched me in the jaw. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, some woman ran up, hugged me from behind, and called me another dude's name. When she saw my face, she apologised for getting the wrong person, and ran off. Perfectly innocent, right? Nope. My wife is forcing me to sleep in another room until I admit I’m having an affair. FML
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Top comments
spazzychild 12
Punch him for sleeping with your ex-girlfiend.
Babalu722 3
wow, thats just messed up
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Comments (309)
Freeze_fml 17
Guess he was abstinent.
icic6772 0
Yeah dumbass
icic6772 0
****** sarcasm
rocker_chick105 31
Haters gon' hate
bubo_fml 11
Really tempt fate & tell him you slept w/ his Mother...
kadude13 1
and then run for your life
squanmonster 8
You should've said, well you slept with my GIRLFRIEND!
ReynshineCutting 10
While it's still wrong you can't really blame the guy. Who wants to think/hear about their significant others sleeping with someone else? My fiancé would love the opportunity to punch out some of my exes. At least he cares.
psuedodragon 23
And they're exes for a reason. Anyone that gets their nose out of joint over a past relationship is a moron (unless they have solid proof that there is still something going on). Personally, I like knowing that my fiance's exes missed out on such a great guy; it's like an extra dose of confidence knowing that I snagged him and they didn't!
mask724 7
Yes, you can! Unless your an insecure, self-obsessed, moron.
stacianichole 2
Actually PUNCHING an ex of a significant other when the relationship ended three years ago is LAAAAME. I can blame the guy for being ridiculous.
jakeshade11 8
No offence, but your fiance must be a bit of a tool. Anybody who cares or gets jealous over someones exes is needy and clingy.
ReynshineCutting 10
No guy wants to think about some other guy's dick inside his woman. It's not that they're insecure that something else is going on, it's just the thought of another man touching her. And believe me he's not a tool. I wouldn't be with a tool. He just hates that I wasn't a virgin when we met since he waited for me.
stacianichole 2
BFD, he should get over it. That's possessive and obsessive...slightly creepy also.
jakeshade11 8
Let me get this straight... He hates that other guys have touched you and that you didn't wait for him, he's a virgin... and you're saying he's not a tool? Right....
Nyrus13 4
That's funny as hell
catharsis5 9
She seems to be very open about her previous relationships, makes me wonder what their pillow talk is like... "Oh baby you're good but you know who's really great at this? This ex I went with three years ago."
fighterboy11 7
I would have beat the **** out of him invest in krav ma ga or mma bro
mask724 7
Remember, in an emergency, the police are only minutes away ;) you'll be dead, but they are on the way
orph_the_d 5
If you didn't press charges you don't care, and thus neither do I. YDI.
kadude13 1
who says he didn't?