Today, a man punched me for sleeping with his wife. Bewildered, I insisted I would never sleep with a married woman, to which he retorted, "She wasn't my wife when it HAPPENED, dumbass!" I was assaulted for sleeping with my own girlfriend three years ago. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML
Today, a guy beat the crap out of me for supposedly sleeping with his girlfriend. I didn't get a chance to tell him my brother lives with me and that he had the wrong guy. When my brother got home, he didn't ask if I was okay, but rather if the guy was coming back for him. FML
Today, I woke up to a phone call from my boss's wife. She demanded to know how long we'd been sleeping together. When I denied her allegations, she screamed that she knew all about my "history of sleeping with married men." I'm a virgin and I have to work with him tomorrow. FML
Today, I was yelled at and fired by my boss. He claimed that I've been sleeping with his wife. I've never met his wife. FML
Today, a huge and angry man stormed into my work and threatened to kill me if I didn't stop sleeping with his wife. He then threatened to come back and kick my ass if I so much as texted his wife again. The problem is, I'm married, have never cheated and I work for my wife's father. FML
Today, I got a phone call out of the blue from a young man, who screamed that he was going to kill me for sleeping with his fiancée. I told him I am a 49-year-old man who hasn't been laid since my wife passed away, four years ago. He stammered, shouted "Well she was a slut too" and hung up. FML
Today, my wife woke me up by punching me in the balls. Apparently, while I was napping on the sofa, she came in and decided to lie with her head in my lap. While she was scrolling TikTok I sleep-farted on her head, so she punched me. I was asleep, so I feel like the victim here, I call bullshit! FML
Today, I caught my best friend's wife being a cheating whore, and I told her either she told him the truth or I would. More fool me, she used the time I gave her to convince him I tried to sleep with her, so now he won’t believe a word I say, and he punched me in the jaw. FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, some woman ran up, hugged me from behind, and called me another dude's name. When she saw my face, she apologised for getting the wrong person, and ran off. Perfectly innocent, right? Nope. My wife is forcing me to sleep in another room until I admit I’m having an affair. FML
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Top comments
spazzychild 12
Punch him for sleeping with your ex-girlfiend.
Babalu722 3
wow, thats just messed up
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Comments (309)
neonberries 15
Clearly the real dumbass in this scenario is immensely intelligent!
BellaBelle_fml 23
Based on your statement, I shall not call you a dumbass.
coltsrock37 15
Clearly he has possession issues
Flutequeen 0
Wow he shouldn't do that. Until he knows what really us going on!
tanntann 0
This makes perfect since...did you carry the 2?
Damn_Hippster 11
Stupid people make me sad :(
missyj0 12
This made me laugh more then it should have.
dulayole 6
People these days.
edteach 0
nope... it's fair game... I understand, it makes perfect sense!
lifesucks1234567_fml 2
Then tell me how
upyourzlolz 11
Don't you hate when your younger self ***** you future self over? Just because your younger self just ****** your past girlfriend? Life's a bitch
AnagenisisZagus 13
No, apparently young you is a bitch. Damn you young me. I'm going to assure you get such a bad ass whooping now, that you feel it right now. Wait, what?
holybuckets 0
That's ridiculous.
every1luvsboners 11
You must have given her something that she can't forget about if she's bragging to her husband about it. Just tell him to toss her salad like a boss and he wouldn't have this little problem.
ikickgingers 15
I was thinking the same thing. Well the former, not the latter.
ikickgingers 15
I was thinking the same thing. Well the former, not the latter.
ikickgingers 15
I was thinking the same thing. Well the former, not the latter.
polocity 0
Toss her salad like a boss. I'm stealing that phrase. Thank u
BellaBelle_fml 23
Hey, 41, you forgot the, "Tss"! Shame on you!
Thabb 0
Don't you mean "Tss her salad like a boss or somethin" 41?