Today, a woman I work with asked me out. She is smart, funny, beyond gorgeous, and I’d be a fool to say no. Unfortunately, she has done jail time for smashing her last boyfriend's penis with a bat and he lost a testicle. What do I do? FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a coworker asked me out and we’ve been on a few dates. I had no idea why she’d want to date me, until after we had sex and she started crying and confessed she was molested as a teen, and since her attacker was short and gross like me, she wanted to use me to work out her repressed issues. FML
Today, my client is currently behind bars for repeatedly assaulting his wife, whom he suspected of being unfaithful to him. Now she's asking my help to get him out of prison, but her messages keep suggesting an interest in me that might get me into trouble once her husband is released. FML
Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She slapped me in the face, stormed out and won't answer my calls. What the hell? FML
Today, while at the gym, I started flirting with a hot doctor. I thought things were going well so I suggested we work out together sometime and maybe work our way up to dinner together, to which she replied, "Sorry but I've seen tumors bigger than your biceps," and then walked out. FML
Today, my girlfriend called me to pick her up from jail. She'd been arrested for indecent exposure. FML
Today, I had a great time with a girl I liked. I asked her out and she said yes. She also said she cuts herself and if I ever broke up with her, I'll be responsible for her death. FML
Today, the girl I would have risked my life to shag in highschool got in touch and was clearly fishing for a date, but in the past ten years, she’s been in prison for arson, become 10 stone overweight, a chainsmoker with a visible moustache, and 6 kids with 4 men. FML
Today, I was going to ask out a girl I work with, only to find out that not only is she in a relationship, she’s also a lesbian. FML
Today, at my job as a police officer, I had to arrest my own girlfriend for having sex at Walmart. She tried to get me to let her out on the grounds of being "pretty" and dating me. She wants to continue the relationship. FML
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Top comments
Chazzster 32
I would say the expression “Don’t put your dick in crazy” is pretty good guidance. While it’s possible their were reasons and extenuating circumstances behind her previous attack on her ex - The fact she served prison time for this attack goes against that argument. I would say stay away - The risks are not worth the reward.
Anderling 33
Run fast, run far. Make sure you let your boss know what’s going on, keep a paper trail of your interactions with that coworker, and refuse to talk to her about anything that isn’t work-related, preferably with a minimum of one witness.
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Comments (13)
J_Free_Woods 29
Don’t have sex until you find out what happened first. Like a few said, if she was defending herself or a child go for it, anything else, run, but if you choose to go the route of being with her, ask yourself if you two break up, how will this end? If it is anything but amicably, run. Double check company policy on intraoffice romances. If you aren’t going to be her superior or Vice versa, it may be okay but some businesses frown upon dalliances. If everything is a go, don’t let work catch you doing anything improper on company time. If it’s something you wouldn’t want to see yourself with a different office couple, most other people wouldn’t want to see it from you.
Majusana 8
She sounds fun to be with. There's always an element of danger when she is around. Go on out with her. Have fun.