Today, a woman I work with asked me out. She is smart, funny, beyond gorgeous, and I’d be a fool to say no. Unfortunately, she has done jail time for smashing her last boyfriend's penis with a bat and he lost a testicle. What do I do? FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, a coworker asked me out and we’ve been on a few dates. I had no idea why she’d want to date me, until after we had sex and she started crying and confessed she was molested as a teen, and since her attacker was short and gross like me, she wanted to use me to work out her repressed issues. FML
Today, my client is currently behind bars for repeatedly assaulting his wife, whom he suspected of being unfaithful to him. Now she's asking my help to get him out of prison, but her messages keep suggesting an interest in me that might get me into trouble once her husband is released. FML
Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She slapped me in the face, stormed out and won't answer my calls. What the hell? FML
Today, while at the gym, I started flirting with a hot doctor. I thought things were going well so I suggested we work out together sometime and maybe work our way up to dinner together, to which she replied, "Sorry but I've seen tumors bigger than your biceps," and then walked out. FML
Today, I had a great time with a girl I liked. I asked her out and she said yes. She also said she cuts herself and if I ever broke up with her, I'll be responsible for her death. FML
Today, the girl I would have risked my life to shag in highschool got in touch and was clearly fishing for a date, but in the past ten years, she’s been in prison for arson, become 10 stone overweight, a chainsmoker with a visible moustache, and 6 kids with 4 men. FML
Today, I was going to ask out a girl I work with, only to find out that not only is she in a relationship, she’s also a lesbian. FML
Today, I saw the woman I asked out last month in a relationship with another guy. She rejected me because she “wanted to focus on herself.” I texted her and asked why she had lied to me. She responded with, “Okay, you caught me. But can you blame me? I’m not attracted to butt ugly Martian-looking men.” FML
Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Chazzster 32
I would say the expression “Don’t put your dick in crazy” is pretty good guidance. While it’s possible their were reasons and extenuating circumstances behind her previous attack on her ex - The fact she served prison time for this attack goes against that argument. I would say stay away - The risks are not worth the reward.
Anderling 33
Run fast, run far. Make sure you let your boss know what’s going on, keep a paper trail of your interactions with that coworker, and refuse to talk to her about anything that isn’t work-related, preferably with a minimum of one witness.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (13)
RichardPencil 32
Wear a cup. Next question...?
HokieJ 10
but does he dare remove it for sex leaving him vulnerable to attack?
RichardPencil 32
Yes, just as long as he is careful that any weapons are not within reach.
JackWood 21
Don't take her hunting.
mike3775 39
Date her and find out why she did what she did. Just remember though, if she did it because her ex cheated on her, there ya go, don’t cheat.
Chazzster 32
I would say the expression “Don’t put your dick in crazy” is pretty good guidance. While it’s possible their were reasons and extenuating circumstances behind her previous attack on her ex - The fact she served prison time for this attack goes against that argument. I would say stay away - The risks are not worth the reward.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
Get a sex change first. No dick, no chance of getting hit in the dick. That'll show her!
Anderling 33
Run fast, run far. Make sure you let your boss know what’s going on, keep a paper trail of your interactions with that coworker, and refuse to talk to her about anything that isn’t work-related, preferably with a minimum of one witness.
tiptoppc 21
As a person who has actually stuck their dick in crazy: Run! No matter how beautiful, or sexy, or smart, just run! I’m getting Amber Heard vibes off of this one. It’s seriously not worth it, and only lives to misery. The one I stuck my dick in ended up getting restraining orders against her not just from me, but also an entire community I belonged to, including from the entire comittee of an Anime Convention. It’s left several people (including me) with PTSD. And I’m not just throwing that term around lightly. I know several people who ended up with actually diagnosed PTSD from that crazy chick.
Yudith 28
Ask her why she did it. If her last boyfriend was a pedophile or she was a battered woman, you can give it a try.
JasonThorn 23
Yeah, if all you have to do is be the kind of person who doesn't deserve that kind of treatment, you should be okay.
poopface82 25
I feel like I should tell this guy to run, but I really want to tell him to stop kink-shaming.
Blimix 9
Women's prisons are full of women who had to choose between going to jail and getting murdered. The legal system enforces societal hierarchies, and severely punishes women who dare to defend themselves from men. Don't assume that she was in the wrong (though she might have been). Find out what happened. Then make up your mind.