Today, the girl I would have risked my life to shag in highschool got in touch and was clearly fishing for a date, but in the past ten years, she’s been in prison for arson, become 10 stone overweight, a chainsmoker with a visible moustache, and 6 kids with 4 men. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a friend from college, who I'd cut ties with after her much older boyfriend convinced her to drop out of college and marry him. She looks amazing and has two beautiful kids, while I'm a struggling obese single mom. She said, "The hoe phase really worked out for you, I see." FML
Today, my wife, a married mum of three boys, with a full time job, and a mortgage, burst into tears because, “Five minutes ago I was 20 years-old, getting high and drunk, with oodles of money” and, “What the hell happened to my life?” Gee, I never knew I ruined her life so much. FML
Today, I got a call from a girl I fell madly in love with 8 years ago. She disappeared from my life with no trace. Turns out she just finalized her divorce, has 2 wild kids, packed on 75 lbs, has $25,000 in debt and is taking meds to keep from going crazy. Now she wants me back. FML
Today, my girlfriend from high school contacted me, telling me we should hang out some time; I casually agreed. Two hours later she's on my doorstep in tears, wanting me to take her back. She's married with kids. I live four states away and haven't a clue how she found out where I live. FML
Today, a girl I met on Tinder described herself as curvy and sent me pictures. We agreed to meet and let me say… those pictures were at least 10 years and 15 stone ago. She was no longer curvy or even just overweight, she was grossly obese. I could smell the unwashed skin under her fat rolls. FML
Today, I saw a girl I haven't seen in 4 years. She used to like me back then. Since then I have lost 50 pounds, and never had the confidence to ask her out. She said I looked really sexy so I decided to ask her out on a date then and there. She said no, she only likes fat guys. FML
Today, I met a girl I used to make fun of in high school. She was taking my fingerprints after I was arrested. FML
Today, a woman I work with asked me out. She is smart, funny, beyond gorgeous, and I’d be a fool to say no. Unfortunately, she has done jail time for smashing her last boyfriend's penis with a bat and he lost a testicle. What do I do? FML
Today, I received a message on a dating app. It was the girl I'd always wanted to marry, but who disappeared from my life when we were younger. She went on and on about how much she missed me... and how much she wanted me to meet her husband and 3 kids. FML
Today, I saw my ex. I was sure he’d be miserable, but he looked happier than I’ve seen him in a long time. He somehow even looked younger, as did the woman he was on a date with, who’s a good 10 years younger than me. Meanwhile, I’ve gained 25 pounds trying to quit smoking. FML
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Top comments
Bogrbon 27
People change. Just be glad that you weren’t baby daddy number one back as a teen, and move on. If she’s made poor life choices, I don’t see how that affects you now in any meaningful way.
DrewBaby 8
I’m sure some will say that’s shallow. But it’s okay to have standards. And if you’re not attracted to her and everything that comes with her then that’s okay. That being said I hope she’s doing okay though
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Comments (7)
DrewBaby 8
I’m sure some will say that’s shallow. But it’s okay to have standards. And if you’re not attracted to her and everything that comes with her then that’s okay. That being said I hope she’s doing okay though
Bogrbon 27
People change. Just be glad that you weren’t baby daddy number one back as a teen, and move on. If she’s made poor life choices, I don’t see how that affects you now in any meaningful way.
SirEnigM0nk 22
In hindsight you dodged a bullet. Keep looking and don't give up, you'll find someone worthy.
Chazzster 32
Could have been much worse - One of those 6 kids might have been yours to support.
RichardPencil 32
Well, now is the time to make your move! You really played the long game well on this one, my friend!
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
If you had banged her though you'd have bragging rights at the next school reunion. You don't have to say when you did it........