Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML
Today a cute coworker asked me out to lunch but I said no because I know how unattractive I am, and didn't think he wanted to be seen with me. He got really pissed and told me that I needed to work on my self-esteem. I just blew up something that could have been wonderful. FML
Today, I hit it off with this really sweet, attractive guy. He asked me a question that I felt uncomfortable answering, and I had a complete mental breakdown like a menstruating teenager when I declined to answer. This is why I'm single. FML
Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He's smart, attractive, and has a steady job. Imagine my surprise when he accepted. Then imagine my surprise when he followed up with, "Hah, just kidding. You're fucking BORING!" FML
Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML
Today, I asked out a girl that I've liked for a while. She thought I was joking and laughed, saying, "No. Have you met yourself?" FML
Today, I asked the guy I share a desk with at work out because he has texted me a few times and seemed pretty into me. He said he doesn't date coworkers, even though the last 5 people he's dated have been coworkers. FML
Today, I told my crush, who I've liked for a while, that I liked him. He looked at me in pure terror and walked away. FML
Today, my boyfriend of over a year looked at me and said, "Sometimes I just want to hit you." FML
Today, I was rejected by my crush at work, because I'm "too ripped." FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
"As you wish." Asshole.
Fireashes250 16
What a douche. He could have said it nicer. You definitely dodged a bullet there OP.
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Comments (110)
DocBastard 40
"As you wish." Asshole.
ChenEighty 20
Would a sledgehammer work for you a well?
mariepastyglue 30
Wow that was pretty offensive what a jerk, he could have just said no. Sorry OP don't stress over it if he can so easily talk to you like that he must not be much of a gentleman.
AGB10 19
1. Now you know he's not worth liking 2. I hope he doesn't have balls anymore after you smashed them Dump him
shorty6823 28
Can't really dump someone you're not dating. Unless you mean dump them off a cliff....
AGB10 19
Dump his balls into his shitlord of a mouth
K410 18
Too bad he's a co-worker otherwise it's easier said than done :p
firegirl1993 21
I say op does it. What a complete and utter ass. If you don't want to go on a date with someone tell them in a gentle matter. The only time I see having to be a bit harsh is if it's someone who harasses you with affection.
TheCanucklehead 22
Op should take aim and fire
lalala96 19
You should've told him "do it then asshole", obviously you're mature then him; it's his loss.
caohm 18
I don't know why people still think "no offense" makes thing any better. its just a slap in the face before or after a usually horrible statement
rocker_chick105 31
1- was that a reference to the Princess Bride? Or am I just being that weird person? Maybe both...
kozzard 17
princess bride was my first thought also
imaginaryvoice 18
It's okay guys, he said no offense.
SwaggCapone 11
Bring a mallet to work with you
fireysaje 10
Hijacking top comment? Ho.
Fireashes250 16
What a douche. He could have said it nicer. You definitely dodged a bullet there OP.
puggypark 14
Tell him to go ahead, smash his balls with a mallet
OscarDV 8
I thought he was pretty nice, he did say "no offense".
HotRose 18
I'd offer to help him with that. Seriously, you should have just said "You're a heartless jerk without a soul, no offense." Walk away, and be glad to know you didn't get with...that.
Olympiakos10 15
38 - I hope you die a very painful death because you're an ugly ass $&@&! with no friends or family. No offense.
TheElBurrrito 21
Someone should show him the pain Olympics, then see if he still feels the same. Real or not, it does not look pleasant.
Olympiakos10 15
93 - I just wrote that because I hate whenever people think everything is fine as long as you say "No offense".
Esma_fml 10
Not really, the fact that he said no offense means he knows what he's saying is offensive, therefor.... he's a douchebag ~_~
OscarDV 8
101 - how am I supposed to not take offense to that when you try and go for personal insults? You're dumbass needs to learn when sarcasm is being used so you can save yourself from your little typing tantrum. Take offense to that.
magicman37 8
That's too bad, because the asshole deserves a simmilar treatment. Your obviously to good for him
webbface 25
I hope you smashed his balls with a mallet then!!
moneyman4121 3
He's a real dick OP... Don't worry about it
AzWolf 5
You're ... too ?? Go ahead. Call me a grammar nazi. I'm glad I am.
ksktwin84 14
Don't forget "similar"
TaniasaysFMLL 15
Wow. Why do you like him? You're better off without him anyway, its okay OP.
capsule_fml 3
Wow. Rude much?
lopsop 12
Nah that's actually a pretty acceptable way to decline a polite invitation
FlyingPie 17
I've never understood the use of "much" as in "rude much?". Is the intent to ask the guy if he is rude often? If so, that still doesn't make much sense.
HotRose 18
Yes that is the intent, and yes it does make since.
FlyingPie 17
I don't think so, because we can probably safely assume that this guy is more inclined to be rude (so what's the point of the question?), and that guy isn't here anyway. Rude much? Yeah, he seems like a rude guy to me...
dontgivafuk 9
little kids say that nowadays.
fml1365 30
Don't worry op, you're beautiful. He's just an ass.
football98_fml 20
how do u know that? do u know her?
fml1365 30
How do you know she's not? It's called being polite.
SMMEric 9
Good comment.
ohjoy15 33
@#62/#6 If you're saying it out of sympathy or politeness, then your compliment means nothing. You don't know OP, you can't attest to your statement. I commend you on your bravery OP. Must have taken a lot of it to ask him out! Don't let this discourage you!
fml1365 30
Every body is beautiful in their own way.
ohjoy15 33
@#98 There are some really ugly people out there. Not just by physical appearance, but there are ugly thoughts, actions, and characteristics within some people. Some people are just cold hearted to the bone.
fml1365 30
I know but op was hoping for the best and I doubt she's a killer. I agree with you on cold hearted people though, and ugly actions.
ohjoy15 33
@#103 My mom had always taught me "if everyone were beautiful everyone would be the same, and therefore nobody would be beautiful. Beauty exists in contrast to ugly. There is good and bad. There is beautiful and ugly. Don't judge if you don't know."
flyersfan345 5
Do it for him.
hawright 13
I like that he courteously added "No offense". What a stand up guy, you are better off op.
adam3650 12
Yeah it's a get out of jail free card. Same as 'i'm not racist but' preceding any racist comment.
SexyQueen0905 24
Hey, don't forget the "I have black/gay friends!" jab. That seems to be the Holy Grail of get-out-of-jail free cards.
igese 11
Glad you weren't offended by that
reeane 10
I hate it when people always say "no offense" *rolls eyes*
TheDrifter 24
Yeah, I much prefer to simply say "Bless your heart".