Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my parents kept overreacting over stupid stuff during dinner. I found a hair in a dish, so I removed it myself. My mom goes, "Is that a hair? Is it?! I'll get rid of it!" I told her that I'd already done it myself. Then, because I bit my nail once, my dad constantly kept asking if I was OK, even though I'd said I was. He wouldn't stop! FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, while I was eating, my younger sister came over and sat beside me. She started clipping her toenails. Disgusted by it, I turned and opened my mouth to tell her to move somewhere else, just as one flew inside my mouth. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML
Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML
Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML
Today, I was messaging a new friend when she mentioned her dad was cooking dinner that night. I jokingly texted, “Oh no! I’m sorry!” Turns out her dad is a professional chef. FML
Today, my dad was making a sandwich in the kitchen. Hungry, I snuck in and grabbed it, running back to my room and devouring it. Later at dinner, he dumped a whole scoop of rice in my lap. We all ended up laughing as we cleaned it. FML
Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML
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Top comments
awkwardloveannie 28
she let him make food for you guys knowing this? that's so unsanitary
Sweet_Meli 11
I just lost my appetite, that's seriously one of the grossest FMLs I've read yet.
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Comments (86)
utrax 23
Jesus Christ, how horrifying.
bunny409 14
men -.-
Kahlahron 4
Sweet Home, Alabama!
EvilLittleMan 23
Hey look on the sunny side up side of things, at least you have a flexible toothpick ready to pick away after the meal.
False_Stupidity 42
SMH, I really should know better by now than to read FML while eating...
jesse98 7
She sure nailed it
xvigil14 9
Well she did tell you, just sayin'
Shepardspie71 8
Did he serve pubic hair for lunch
KatlynBrooke 27
What if he heard his daughter say that and put it in there because he thought it would be funny.
mustabee 5
well..... Ummm....... Ummmm..... I guess there would still be a toe nail in the meal. Correct?
fooltemptress 36
You know, this post would work amazingly well as a diet. All you have to do is read it whenever you feel hungry. Voila! Just like that, your appetite is gone!