Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my parents kept overreacting over stupid stuff during dinner. I found a hair in a dish, so I removed it myself. My mom goes, "Is that a hair? Is it?! I'll get rid of it!" I told her that I'd already done it myself. Then, because I bit my nail once, my dad constantly kept asking if I was OK, even though I'd said I was. He wouldn't stop! FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, while I was eating, my younger sister came over and sat beside me. She started clipping her toenails. Disgusted by it, I turned and opened my mouth to tell her to move somewhere else, just as one flew inside my mouth. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML
Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML
Today, I came home with a friend to find my mom scratching my dad's butt with a fork. FML
Today, I was messaging a new friend when she mentioned her dad was cooking dinner that night. I jokingly texted, “Oh no! I’m sorry!” Turns out her dad is a professional chef. FML
Today, my dad was making a sandwich in the kitchen. Hungry, I snuck in and grabbed it, running back to my room and devouring it. Later at dinner, he dumped a whole scoop of rice in my lap. We all ended up laughing as we cleaned it. FML
Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
awkwardloveannie 28
she let him make food for you guys knowing this? that's so unsanitary
Sweet_Meli 11
I just lost my appetite, that's seriously one of the grossest FMLs I've read yet.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (86)
AngryD 9
that's so ******* gross I bet you never eat over there again
CelticReverie 5
Gross :(
culito_fml 10
W T F!!!
gAt_d 26
A little toe jam for your toast. At least you were warned!
saraitkddh 47
ewww this is one of the most disgusting fmls ever
squidgy787 22
Gross? Yes. One of the grossest ever? Not even close.
Enslaved 38
"He wear no shoeshine, he got toe-jam football He got monkey finger, he shoot coca-cola ****Come together right now over me"
RedPillSucks 33
Got to be a joker He just do what he please.
Zmeilerr 22
Don't you mean the Mtn Dew? ;)
perdix 31
Be careful! You could get foot-in-mouth disease!
cactusdesu 15
There is always a bit of truth in jest.
imchacon22 19
Oh that's just nasty (Cleveland voice) lol