Today, while I was eating, my younger sister came over and sat beside me. She started clipping her toenails. Disgusted by it, I turned and opened my mouth to tell her to move somewhere else, just as one flew inside my mouth. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was laying on the couch, listening to music. I guess my brother noticed that I was yawning a lot, because when I opened my mouth and yawned again, he dropped one of his rancid toenail clippings into my mouth, then broke into hysterical laughter at my freaking out. FML
Today, I was eating some cake that my roommate's girlfriend brought by for us. I felt something weird in my mouth, so I stopped chewing to grab it. It was a fingernail. FML
Today, because I wouldn’t let my little sister have any more cookies, she snuck into my room while I was sleeping and superglued my lips together. FML
Today, at the orthodontist, the nurse was checking my teeth. She asked me a question while her finger was in my mouth, and when I stupidly tried to reply, I bit her finger. FML
Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML
Today, I woke up to my sister sucking my toes because she was drunk, wanted to borrow one of my toe rings but couldn’t get it off, and thought spit would lubricate it off with her tongue. She doesn’t even live here, it’s my house. She used her spare key to get in at 1 a.m. FML
Today, I dropped some food on the floor and picked it back up, took a bite, and quickly realised it had toenail cuttings in it. I never cut my toenails in my dining room. FML
Today, I made my young niece lunch. After she claimed to have eaten it all, she wanted to go out and play. I was putting my shoes on when I found part of the sandwich I made her stuffed in my shoe. FML
Today, my sister asked me to let her dog out of the kennel when I got home. I did only to have the little beast bite me. She then ate the entire content of the cat's litter box, which she couldn't keep down. FML
Today, I was going to give my baby daughter an empty Pringles tin to play with on the floor. I saw some crumbs at the bottom, so I emptied the can in my mouth before I gave it to her. I crunched hard and spat them out, realizing my boyfriend had just cut his toenails into the can. FML
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Top comments
LadyKaya 0
I hate when people find it appropriate to groom themselves next to where I'm eating...
Nakedsquirrel 5
At least she wasn't shaving her pubes, right?
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Comments (59)
freedoggy77 0
gross
xEmGai 0
Hmm, like the hobo one O___O!
metakingt 0
Would have been more interesting if you were actually eating your sister =/.
marz88 0
Haha I swear I read this as "I was eating my younger sister". I might need some serious help >.< lol
Rhii_280 0
so did i, so did i ^_^
cookiepenguin 0
explosive toenail clipping
awks 0
that's what I was thinking to, the hobo one!
jackballman 0
something like that happened to me. i was talking and my friend randomly spit a spitball right in my mouth.
Intoxicunt 6
You just lost the game.
allmidnighteyes 11
Dammit, Savannah... OP - How are you positioned to eat in a way that her clipped toenails fly in your mouth? Are you laying on the floor under her feet or something?
yeahsurre 0
oh #1... fail.
Monado 0
I guess we both fail then. One at the puns, and one at replying.
fakepolice 0
please pass the toe jam... *cough* thank you, I think
Baal952 0
I think this was a repost because I remember seeing this before
adelaide_evening 0
Except the last one was better because, if I remember correctly, it was homeless man's toenail who the poster was riding next to on the subway or something.
LadyKaya 0
I hate when people find it appropriate to groom themselves next to where I'm eating...
Einstein714 0
was her foot on the table? WTF???
Nakedsquirrel 5
At least she wasn't shaving her pubes, right?
perdix 31
I'll bet her toenail was more nutritious than the junk food you were going to put in your mouth. Certainly, it would be crunchier. You can't beat toenails for crunch.
lolbulla 0
are you serious? toenails contain dirt and bacteria!
Turnip_Girl 0
If toenails are being clipped, mouths should be closed. The risks are just too great.