Today, I found out my older brother put tanning lotion in the lotion I use to masturbate with. Now I have orange palms and an orange penis which won't go away for weeks. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML
Today, my 15 year-old brother, visiting me for the weekend, thought it would be a great idea to switch my expensive moisturiser for fake tan cream. I'm going to work in 12 hours. I'm fluorescent orange. FML
Today, I caught my brother whacking off with my expensive bottle of lotion. This might not have been quite so disturbing had he not been caught with his entire penis in the bottle. FML
Today, I got my make-up remover wipes mixed up with my sister's self-tan wipes. I am currently watching my face slowly turn orange and there is nothing I can do about it. FML
Today, I decided to try a self-tanning lotion my friend had recommended. I put it on, and decided to take a nap. I woke up later and checked myself in the mirror, expecting to see a new, more tanned version of myself. I didn't. I'm now orange. FML
Today, I ran out of my usual hand lotion that I use for 'me time'. I instead decided to try and us my after shave lotion as a replacement. Apparently, my member doesn't agree with one of the ingredients, and has now swollen to the size of my fist. FML
Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML
Today, as I finished putting self tanner on my legs, the phone rang. Telemarketer. After returning to the bathroom I put moisturizer on my face. As I looked in the mirror, I soon realized I'd forgotten to wash my hands. My face is now streaky orange. FML
Today, I got a second degree sunburn everywhere above my waist, for which I've been using a medicated lotion. My roommate "pranked" me by switching the lotion with a similarly colored, very caustic acne wash. My chest feels like it's roasting in hell and is oozing pus and oil now. FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
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Top comments
untoward 0
well if your masturbating so much, probably no one is seeing your penis anyway
katieebabyy 0
carrot crotch!
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Comments (353)
dickster 0
So put tanning lotion in his body wash.
bachooka 5
yes it's the perfect revenge!! give him a perfectly normal fake 'n bake...
mahimalil 0
Best idea ever !!!!!! Do it !!!!!!!
Quest_ 13
That doesn't work at all. Unless, you know, you leave body wash on without rinsing it off.
hahaalolz 0
#262 epic win!
tdub10 2
Otflmao.... Nw thts some funny sh*t. Atleast u aint got blue balls.
ThereIsNoFork 0
At least your know how to type. Sike.
ThereIsNoFork 0
I know how to type. Sike.
SmokeMoles 0
foooooo rizzleeeee
Cinn_fml 23
As practical jokes go, that's quite a good one. But on the plus side, you can keep that hidden until it's worn off. Your palms are a little trickier, but I'm sure you'll think of something (just say you knocked over a bottle in the bathroom cupboard or something). At least it wasn't orange hair dye in your shampoo.
chrisauh 4
takie EVERY ******* FML SERIOUSLY
schalk 12
Someone give chrisauh a hug please (and some english lessons)
Cinn_fml 23
*takes deep breath* Chrisauh, I'M NOT ON EVERY SINGLE SMEGGING FML!!! *breaths again* Now I feel better, too many idiots, so little time. Back to the polite me; Chrisauh, for your statement to be correct you'd have to have read all the FMLs on the website, however, I know you haven't, because I know for a fact that there are FMLs that I haven't commented on. Also, apologies that you were the one I finally snapped with.
Grell_fml 0
Cinn, I appreciate your thoughtful and insightful comments on the FML's. It make them more enjoyable.
Grell_fml 0
Stupid iPod. *FMLs
ohthebloodygore 16
57, wow. She doesn't comment on every FML and even if she does, she's the one who deserves the most respect seeing as how she's polite and has manners. Even now when upsetted (yes, I know it's not a word) she's still polite and apologises. You're an idiot.
lotuspod 0
lol I love how cinn stays calm all the time I almost wonder if she means some of it in a sarcastic tone sometimes
boopityboppity 11
It's easier to laugh at stupid people than get angry at them, 125.
ImaZebraIrl 0
I don't see how Cinn commenting on an FML is such a big deal...
VinceCarter 0
i find it funny how people like this spend their spare time pointlessly commenting on fmls.
Cinn_fml 23
Grell - Thank you. 'Gore - I was going to call him a moron, but I felt it was a bit harsh. Lotuspod - Yes, my main method of dealing with idiots is sarcasm. However most of the time they don't pick up on it... (That was sincere, not sarcastic) Boppity - Yes, it is easiest to laugh at them, but sometimes you just need to yell at something. ImaZebraIrl - It shouldn't be a big deal, but some people are idiots and just want to feel cool by trying to make others feel bad. VinceCarter - There is a difference between finding it funny, and feeling the need to tell other people they're idiots for doing it. (Granted, Chrisauh didn't call me names, but it was the final straw in a long string of people who've made similar comments which were wrong) I know it's kinda pointless, but it keeps me entertained when I have nothing better to do.
xGabri3L 3
I'm orange Da BooDii Da Doo Dyy.
bubblezz0504 0
haha
JoltyCola 0
word
GreenRiver_fml 9
ydi for using tanning lotion
Niaa_fml 0
Please don't tell me you're serious. After reading all of these comments, a few similar comments to this one, and all of them being answered, it's still unclear to you that certain tanning lotions have the same color as simple lotions? He couldn't have known it was a tanning lotion.
mrahhhhh 21
This isn't an fml... this is a WIN! Put on your best clothes and go to the chocolate factory!! Oompa Loompa's are easy! Best of all they're so short that they can give you oral pleasure standing up! No sore knees for them, more pleasure for you!
QwertyMcNugget 0
Like. ._.
ladybunny 0
Lawl :3
SoldieroftheLORD 0
he just won
WiseGuy79 14
Lmao Your brother is awesome
ilovefatcats 12
deserved it
karimkz 0
lmfaoo funny shit it a long time
_HeadShot_ 0
lmao try to cum in his clothes before he wakes up for school (the clothes he's gonna wear to school)