Today, in the flat I share with four students, I broke our toaster. The night before, they'd successfully managed to toast chicken soup-covered crumpets in it whilst drunk. I tried to toast a teacake, and the whole thing exploded in flames and smoke. Our toaster got taken out by a raisin. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, the estranged crumbs in my toaster caught light while I was making breakfast. The toast, toaster, and my wooden bench are now little more than collateral damage. FML
Today, I decided to make a toaster scramble. I thought it was bad enough when the pastry fell through the grate in the toaster over. Then it burst into flames. After 5 minutes of fanning the smoke away from the smoke detector, it still went off. Now my entire dorm building is outside in a snowstorm. FML
Today, our stove broke. Now, we have to cook using a toaster oven. FML
Today, I got burned, all because the toaster scared me while I was holding a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML
Today, my kids tried to make grilled cheese by turning the toaster sideways. When all was done, it all flew out onto the kitchen floor. Both my kids and my husband left the mess there for me to clean up when I got home. FML
Today, I made the mistake of taking apart and fixing a malfunctioning toaster in front of my five year-old. Two hours later, he tried to take apart a lamp that was plugged in. He shocked himself, broke the lamp, and set the carpet on fire. FML
Today, I no longer have a toaster. My younger sister put it in the bath because apparently it looked dirty. FML
Today, I went to interview with potential new roommates at a cooperative living house. I decided to bake cookies for everyone, and while touring the house, I forgot about the cookies and set off a small oven fire. All this after professing how responsible I am. FML
Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML
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Top comments
iAmScrubs 19
Call for backup. We can not let this sorry excuse for a dried-up grape get away with a crime like this.
Fruit_Dealer 9
I heard the rate of suicide bombing on toatsers are raisin' these days.
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Comments (134)
StarWolf111 21
Hehe, crumpets and teacakes xD
stevert_fml 0
You deserve it you ******* British fag! It's called an apartment!
Honda288 2
Maybe their dumb assed act broke the toaster, but in their drunken stupor they didn't notice. Might not have been your fault.
hopetaci831 7
You sound sooo British!
MatsumotoMania 13
Straw, meet camel's back.
mets300 8
This is the most British thing I've ever read
Decepticus 5
"Our toaster got taken out by a raisin." Best statement ever, in my opinion :) Sorry about your toaster, OP.
Spiderwithaman 6
This could not have sounded more British.
tuxedoandex 28
holy shit