Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML
Today, I walked in on my mom's boyfriend jacking off. The worst part was that he didn't stop. FML
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
Today, my mom had a talk with me while my dad was out. She said to stop using her lotion for my masturbation sessions. I asked her how long did she know. She replied with, "Ever since we put up that camera in the living room for burglars, where you happen to watch your porn." FML
Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, I was bored and started touching myself watching TV. My mother walked into my bedroom with a phone in her hand and yelled, "Stop jacking off and talk to your grandmother." FML
Today, I walked in on my mother rubbing one out. For the third time. I then had to explain to her, also for the third time, why pleasuring herself in the living room is inappropriate. FML
Today, my mom walked in on me jerking it in her bathroom. I'm a 40 year-old man and she's 68. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
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Top comments
LittleMissMack 0
Parents tell embarrassing stories... it happens. I'm sure he's not going to freak out or anything. Maybe he'll think its funny and like you even more because you're obviously a highly sexual individual. =)
ezflip 0
That is ******* hilarious... in a pedobear kinda way...
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Comments (221)
KittyHawkMarch 29
This just brought up a memory! Due to a problem when i was born i suffered a mental illness for many of my early years. When i was in kindergraten i was so stupid i did not even no how to talk so basically in short i failed kintergarden and possibly grade 1 so not a very good memory but it does have a happy ending! My parents gave up on trying to help me which encouraged me to work harder to understand basically just what was even going on! So by grade 2 i got Bs and in grade 3 i was getting As. I am still almost a straight A student with almost no effort at all! Which can prove when you work hard enough at something you can achieve your goal! Unfortunatly my mother still gave up on me but now i am okay.
buttsjo 1
Omg I used to do that all the time..
Bright_Lights 14
I used to do this too!
KermitheFrog1922 1
My brother does the same thing
coolqwerty73 1
OMG I DOD THAT TOO
happyfingers 15
Sorry but that's great XD
Josephrios 2
This sounds familiar to me for some reason....oh...oh goodness. I used to do the exact same thing when I was young and I didnt even realize it!
ojjasper123 9
BAHAHAHAHA!!!! The funny thing is, I used to do it, too...
46Ounces 11
I totally did this too! During nap time in preschool they had to seclude my cot against a wall and then surround it with chairs so I wouldn't have an edge to rub on. I also had a different chair than everybody else in 1st grade so I couldn't do it in class. I remember my dad telling me I shouldn't do it in public, and that if he did it at his job he would get fired. I still have the mental image of my dad rubbing his crotch against a chair at work (because I didn't really know the difference between male and female then). Disturbing!
Darknight1802 7
damn