Today, my family and I were celebrating my dad's birthday. The two of us were standing by the pool chatting, and I jokingly said "You're old now." I suppose I should have expected him to shove me into the pool, my phone still in hand, and retort, "You're soaked now." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was at the pool with two boys I babysit. The eldest wouldn't get out of the pool so I pretended to call his dad. He then ran out of the pool, pushed me down, grabbed my phone, chucked it into the pool and then ran back into the pool. FML
Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML
Today, I went to the pool with my son. One moment I'm sitting down, applying sunscreen to my legs, and the next I look up to see him squatting on the diving board, seconds before dropping a deuce into the pool. As we got kicked out, he screamed that it was my fault. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, we were slowly introducing my daughter to the pool to help her get over her terrible fear of water. My father-in-law scoffed, called us pussies, and tossed my daughter straight into the water. When I threw him out, he insisted he was just trying to teach her to swim "the right way." FML
Today, while relaxing in the kitchen drinking coffee, my dad suddenly rushed in, knocking me over and causing me to spill boiling hot coffee all over myself. Then, my dad thought it would be a good idea to grab the sprayer from the sink and douse me with cold water in order to "put me out." FML
Today, I was at the beach with my parents, and I went for a swim in the sea. I got out and my parents started laughing their asses off. It wasn't until my dad pulled a condom out of my hair that I realized what they were laughing at. My dad even took a picture. FML
Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML
Today, I was at a friend's pool party. He lives on a lake and one of our friends wouldn't get in the water. My best friend and I decided to push him off the dock. Once we had, I turned to see my crush who had watched looked shocked, then said, "You know he can't swim right?" FML
Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML
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Top comments
fuckedPriceless 17
At least his mind hasn't aged!
swplphlsgois13 9
Well jokes on him if he has to buy you a new phone
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Comments (74)
sunshine41196 12
Your dad sounds like fun :D...jk...fyl op
CallMeMcFeelii 14
How is this getting down voted!? She was jking everyone! She was only jking!
DocDrose 20
he could have at least made sure she didn't have her phone...
MichellinMan 20
I always joked with my dad with stupid shit like that. OP's Dad is an asswipe.
guterkamerad 6
Well that escalated quickly.
cyttex 13
Please no
simplysarcastics 26
Stop the madness!
flame5768 14
hahahahahHAHAHAHAH no.
arandomusernameaa 20
@2 please put a shirt on...
TallMist 32
#20 Madness?! This... Is... SPAAAARTAA-*Gunshot*
fuckedPriceless 17
At least his mind hasn't aged!
olpally 33
That's one thing you don't say to your dad, especially near a pool. Lol.
SmuggletheBudgie 15
ehh my dad couldent give a fat rats arse, if I said it to my mum on the other hand...
swplphlsgois13 9
Well jokes on him if he has to buy you a new phone
Kuro_Kamen 12
Not technically, especially if op is over 18. Just because dad pushed you in means he's obligated to do it.
Pixiecrack 11
Still at least op can replace their phone for free or at least cheap...Most plans come with awesome warranties like that
kylieh72 25
#29, being that the damage caused to the phone was his fault it is entirely the dad's responsibility to replace or fix it...
kbecks87 16
Not really, 49. It may be the 'nice thing to do' but it's not a responsibility.
nix1993 41
If he pays for his own phone then damn right it's his dad's responsibility to replace it. If you ruin someone else's phone through an act of your own stupidity (whether it's in a playful way or not) it's up to you to replace it. It's not the 'nice thing to do' it's the natural thing to do, you can't expect someone else to shell out because you're an immature asshole. Also, depending on the state, you could be required by law to do so. Destruction of property is a crime, mate.
EdenCrystal 21
Has your dad graduated to that age where he can get away with anything because he's old?
Comoke1024 19
I yearn to be that age.
israelnotjacob 20
Lol you fell right into that one. Literally.
pisoi 17
What did you expect ?
perdix 31
He's probably disappointed that his son turned out to be such a phony.
ravens4life 12
If you were trying to make a pun it should have at least been "phoney"
Barlucic 5
Damn perdix, Down voted? Such Shame.
VonBlitzkrieg 27
What, is he the Jesus of FML or something???
Gottokeepsmiling 6
It was mean of you to call him that! You deserved to be soaked for being so mean!
cyttex 13
Surely you can't be serious
Enslaved 38
"Don't call me, Shirley"