Today, I cleaned my bathroom from top to bottom. Tonight, my husband threw up all over the bathroom. He actually cleaned it up himself, including the toilet. I went to use the toilet, put down the seat and sat down. Guess which part of the toilet he DIDN'T clean. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML
Today, my husband and I cleaned our house. We swept, mopped, vacuumed, dusted, and scrubbed. We moved the furniture and got in the cracks. We were extremely thorough. At 9 p.m., our cat had diarrhea and he got it all over himself. He didn't know what to do, so he ran through the house, spraying poop everywhere. FML
Today, my boyfriend called me into the bathroom and proudly showed me how far back he could stand from the toilet while he peed. Unfortunately, he got distracted and peed all over the floor I had mopped just an hour before. FML
Today, I had to clean my boyfriend's puke off of our bed. Last night he ditched me to go out partying, came home, threw up, and passed out. He thinks it's only fair I clean up today because he's "not feeling well". FML
Today, my boyfriend walked out of the bathroom, informed me he'd accidentally peed on the floor, and told me I could clean it up when I get a chance. FML
Today, my husband was changing our son’s overflowing diaper. Instead of getting up and walking the putrid mess to the bin, he decided to shoot it basketball-style. He missed and it hit the wall, sliding down leaving a huge sloppy streak. He expected me to clean it. FML
Today, while I was working a customer notified me that the men's restroom need some attention. Thinking that there was just a small mess, I walked into the restroom only to discover someone had taken a crap in the sink. Guess who got to clean it. FML
Today, one of the customers at work shat all down the side of the toilet and on the floor. They didn’t even try to make it in the bowl. Guess who had to clean it up. FML
Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend full-on peeing into our tiny trash bin. The trash bin was basket material, so the pee was all over the floor. Once he'd finished, he went to bed, passed out and left me to clean it all up. FML
Today, I walked in on my boyfriend peeing in the cat's litter box. I'm the one who has to clean it out. FML
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Top comments
huggles87 0
Wow that is sick, least he cleaned up most of the mess
IronWarrior 9
I just checked my stats and discovered that the average urinations per day is inaccurate. Males average 7 urinations per day and females average 8. This adjusts the result significantly. Up = 7*5 = 35 times, Down = 8*2+1*7 = 23 times. The more correct ratio is 35:23. This means that the seat will be up over 1.52 times for every time the seat is down, much more than the 1.25 I had previously indicated. As we can all see, this further confirms that in my house, the seat should remain up.
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Comments (79)
Intoxicunt 6
But it's only logical to leave it down. Guys need it down to shit, girls need it down for both. So about 75% of the time, it needs to be down. =) That, and yeah, the pussy thing.
IronWarrior 9
Intoxicunt, refer to replies number 14 and 15. Thank you.
jessxoxo28 5
lmao! ewwww
ben26_fml 0
YDI for not looking down before you sat
jonny2x4 0
Someone got the "yuck butt". Honestly, couldn't you smell the leftover stench? It's quite an aroma.
KalvinAlexander 0
I don't want to be rude here but this one get on my nerve ... Where the hell are you when your husband is vomiting there ? and Where the hell are you when your husband is cleaning that f***ing toilet alone ? Is he your husband or not ? What if you got drunk/sick and vomit in bedroom ? kitchen ? You want to clean the whole thing all by yourself when you are not feeling well and later your husband found a spot you miss and yell you for that ? Instead of taking care of your husband and appreciate his cleaning work ... you said FML for touch a bit of pukes .. ( he's sick .. with/without alcohol .. ) What don't you divorce him right away ? I sense that he tried to clean the whole damn thing because he's afraid that you might got this as a HUGE REASON to nag him for a week .. maybe a month .. If somebody is puking .. that's mean he/she is sick! If my wife is vomiting in the toilet I won't leave her alone .. and I won't ask her to clean the mess too .. she's sick and she's my wife .. if I don't like somebody vomiting in my toilet and don't clean it completely ... I won't be staying together with that somebody. Glad my wife never treat me in that way .. damn you f**king bitch!
CheshireHalli 19
I think she may not have smelled it for one reason: He cleaned. That shit's powerful.
Renrox42 0
Wow, I would of been so mad and disgusted at the same time. The same thing kind of happened to me but it was a little different: the guy didn't clean up his mess but I didn't realize it until I sat down and saw what it was... because it was all over the walls too. That's the only prob. i have with july 4th. DRUNKS!
JonKolbe 0
Always look first!
Chocolate_Chunk 2
so.. you got puke all over the walls and toilet, probably with a heavy stench to boot, and you diddn't realize this until you sat down? Are you blind and anosmic or just retarded?
eeekimjack 0
If he cleaned it up why write it... In the real none dramatized world tjis FML is... "Today, i sat in sick. FML".
mrsnicks 0
Why is it that women either A: Cannot seem to put the lid down or B: Can't look before they sit down.....