Today, I opened my front door to go out for groceries. Lying on my doorstep was a pile of poop. A piece of paper was taped to the ground beside it that read, "Do it again and you'll get more than dog shit." I don't have the slightest clue who I pissed off, or how. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I stepped into a pile of dog shit on my doorstep, along with a note saying, "Keep your dog out of my yard." I don't own a dog. FML
Today, coming home, I discovered that my dog had left me a beautiful mound of poop in the middle of the corridor. He'd made an effort, though: there was a roll of shredded toilet paper next to it. FML
Today, I took my dog for a walk. He started crapping on someone's lawn, then I noticed that the owner was outside and giving me a death stare. Not knowing what to do, I picked up the crap with my bare hands. The man started laughing at me. FML
Today, I put out a fire. Sadly, it was on my doorstep because someone had lit a bag of dog poop. FML
Today, today while walking my dog in a different part of town, a man ran screaming out of his house, and threw a plastic bag at me. It was dog poop. It was the first time I'd ever walked in front of his house with my dog. FML
Today, I saw a kid taking a dump next to my lawn. The good news: his mother picked up the poop to discard it. The bad news: she put it in my mailbox. I now have a pile of smelly brownish tissue-wrapped goo baking under the hot sun inside my mailbox. FML
Today, I got home from a long day of work and saw a pile of dog puke on the kitchen floor. I went to get paper towels and found a pile of dog shit. With my foot. Both of my kids were home all day and left the piles for me to clean because "that's gross". FML
Today, I stepped in a pile of dog shit. While trying to get it off by wiping my foot on the grass, I stepped in another pile. FML
Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML
Today, I stepped in dog shit, barefoot, in my own bathroom. The dog had been outside for two hours earlier, and I'd watched him take a dump. Apparently he was saving some for when he got back in the house. FML
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Top comments
aKaClickZ 4
At least it wasn't lit on fire
sniken 14
I doubt the dog did it all by herself...
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Comments (111)
SmoothSeth 10
Here is my theory: Some gosh darn kids, that roam the neighborhood, planted the famous "flaming paper bag with dog poop inside" prank many times on an innocent person. To get revenge, the innocent person found the darn kids who did it, and found the address to their house, only to miss the address getting the 2 confused with the 4, making your house the wrong house of right/wrong revenge. The only solution to this slightly humorous accident is death. Sorry.
EvilUndead 9
Whose death? OPs or childrens?
Catkam623 27
Both, duh!!
AllieCat21 21
67 wouldn't both be counter productive?
SmoothSeth 10
This situation has no positive outcomes, we are dealing with poop here.
insaneDONUTZ 15
oh geez that is gross
Yongchi 11
Really? No, I'm actually pretty sure everyone who read this FML thought that it would be a wonderful, happy and sweet experience. So thank you, Dr. Obvious.
zandalee 20
Calm your **** love!
N3766 20
I am thinking to say what a shitty situation... And by the way I am well prepared for the thumbs down...
Axipiter 24
I will admit, the fact that you say you're prepared for it made it SLIGHTLY less gratifying... No, no it really didn't. Why waste your time? Sheesh.
N3766 20
I was bored you know. Weekend, raining and windy......, anyway thanks for wasting your time telling me that...
sens3sfailing 25
Yeeeeah. Nobody cares that you were bored...
chunkalicious 7
To be fair, nobody really cares that nobody cares..
HowieDoIt 21
Gotta be ghosts...I call it "paranormal crap-tivity"
WaywardDaughter 26
A new crap pun! Love it!
motor_fml 20
******* didn't even wrap your present? Maybe UPS will come by and steal it if you place it in a box.
Enslaved 38
I'm the man in the- box Buried in my- shit Won't you come and save me, save me ~Alice in Chains This is how my mind works with comments such as these. . . (:
Tuffay 14
34- sorry. Went for thumb up, but hit down by accident... I hope to do better next time!
buckdharma 38
You got evidence to preserve in case something else happens op.
AlexRen 21
Some crazy shit is about to go down.
TwinChapter 15
Since it's the wrong house, let's hope that the person who put it there doesn't make the same mistake twice. If you think about it, it is better than having actually been targeted because you pissed someone off.
zandalee 20
But then again, maybe they did actually piss someone off...
Enslaved 38
It was probably the bartender you stiffed out of a tip. She got your address by searching the name off your credit card. ;P
perdix 31
You most likely went into the express "10 items or less" lane with 54 items. If so, YDI! Here, we have an overpriced grocery store that uses the grammatically correct "10 Items or fewer."
Enslaved 38
Publix--"Where shopping is a Pleasure"? Damn H. E. B spoiled you, I see!
perdix 31
H-E-B and Krogers and Randall's and Fiesta and Foodarama and Whole Foods and Walmart and Target and Sam's and Costco and local one-offs, etc. With competition, you get good quality at low prices that you don't get where there's a monopoly with a brainwashing slogan.