Today, I thought my date last night went quite well, especially when she called me first thing this morning… until it turned out she wasn’t very impressed, and wanted my brother's number instead. The single, successful lawyer, who is 6 inches taller than me, who she saw on my Facebook page. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my brother set me up on a blind date. I've been single for years and he said she was a perfect match for me, so I was excited. Turned out the fucker was playing a prank. The girl was my sister, who was just as surprised as I was. FML
Today, my girlfriend met my brother who, despite being 10 years older, is taller, smarter, slimmer, richer, more handsome, and just objectively better in every way. He always has been. An hour ago, she broke up with me. Meeting my brother convinced her she'd settled for me and could do better with almost anyone else. FML
Today, on a dating site, I was matched with my brother, again. FML
Today, I thought I was going on a date. About 20 minutes into it, after giving her my arm to hold (like a true gentleman) it came up in conversation that my brother is gay. Her response: "Oh, so both you and your brother are gay?" FML
Today, I went on a blind date. It turned out that the person who I was set up with was my ex's sibling. We spent the whole evening talking about how terrible my ex is. I'm still single, though. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I've been talking to online for weeks. Unfortunately, it turns out they'd used old photos and misrepresented themselves, and I didn't find them attractive at all. Even I'm not that desperate. We ended up having an awkward dinner and I couldn't wait for it to be over. FML
Today, I went on a date with a guy who turned out to be my older brother's friend. In the middle of the night we were drunk and got stuck in my room after the key broke inside the lock. My brother had to help my date climb out of the window. FML
Today, at age 27, I went to pick up the girl I like for my first ever date. Her brother answered the door with a baseball bat, said the date was off and threatened to smash my kneecaps to pieces if I ever came back. FML
Today, my date escaped through a second-storey bathroom window before our drinks even arrived. She later texted me that it wasn’t my fault, I just reminded her too much of her father, even though I’m two years younger than her and look nothing like the photos I've seen of him. FML
Today, I went on a blind date. When I arrived, the guy looked nothing like his profile picture. We started chatting, and things were going fine until he asked, “So, what do you think about my date?” I replied, “Uh, I think it’s going well!” He responded, “I was talking about the waitress. I’m married.” FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
Does she want to get into his briefs? Is her name Sue? Is the verdict that your brother has the preponderance of the height in your family? Is he going to court her? Let's not even get started with the hung jury...
mccuish 25
Give her a fake number. You can find some good prank numbers online
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Comments (4)
mccuish 25
Give her a fake number. You can find some good prank numbers online
RichardPencil 32
Does she want to get into his briefs? Is her name Sue? Is the verdict that your brother has the preponderance of the height in your family? Is he going to court her? Let's not even get started with the hung jury...
slhiggx 17
She’s got some nerves. No tact. Not worth yours or your brothers time.
Chazzster 32
I predict that sooner or later your date will discover that she’s not in your tall and attractive brother’s league. Life can be a bitch - Some things about ourselves we can improve on if we set our minds to it like manners, a smile, how we dress, our education, and to a degree our physical condition. But there are some things we cannot change - Like our height, our overall build, and our intelligence. Concentrate on the things that you can improve yourself. There are men and women who are over-impressed by physical appearance. You cannot help those people if that’s all that’s important to them. But know that most of the pretty or handsome people are usually only interested in other pretty or handsome people. So chances are last night’s date won’t measure up to handsome brother’s requirements and she will have thrown away a potential relationship with you for no good reason. Give her brother’s contact info and tell brother she has the “hots” for him. He will likely either ignore her or use her - Either will likely hurt her as much as she hurt you and you won’t be at fault.