Today, I spent half an hour trying to convince my husband not to re-enact a video he saw online of a guy tying some rope to a running chainsaw, then swinging it around his head. He finally agreed not to do something so stupid. A few hours later, he did it anyway. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends got the bright idea of recording a re-enactment of a scene from Fight Club for a YouTube video. It ended as soon as my husband caught a fist to the gut and started violently puking all over our basement floor. FML
Today, after my husband yelled at me for wasting money by getting my nails done, I decided to buy the supplies and watch YouTube to figure out how to do them myself. He then yelled at me for wasting money on the supplies. FML
Today, when I had a go at my husband for spending way too much time in front of the TV, he pointed the remote control at me while miming turning down the volume in order to make me shut up. FML
Today, my husband finally got round to cutting down a tree limb in our front yard after months of me begging him. It fell on me. FML
Today, my husband brought home a machete. In the process of showing me a trick he learned, he managed to slice a nice big hole in our brand new very expensive sectional. FML
Today, my husband and son had their first DIY project. Less than 30 minutes later, our son’s crying in his room. Turns out my husband is just like his dad. “WHY ARE YOU STANDING DOING NOTHING? PASS ME THE THING. NOT THAT THING, THE OTHER THING. HERE, I’LL DO IT MYSELF. PAY ATTENTION, GOD DAMMIT.” FML
Today, my husband told me he didn't want me to get power tools to build things, because he thinks a miter saw and a sanding orbiter are more dangerous than guns. FML
Today, I had to show my husband a video on how to brush your teeth. FML
Today, I climbed the tree in my backyard so I could cut off some stray branches. I ended up getting stuck, and instead of immediately getting help, my wife started laughing and recording me. The video is now circulating on Facebook, and my new nickname is "Hawkeye." FML
Today, as soon as I got home, my husband said he was hungry and that I needed to cook. I flipped my shit and yelled at him for a good half hour. Later, he pulled out his phone and showed me videos of me doing the exact thing to him, asking him to do things the second he walked in the door. FML
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Top comments
taymichele16 15
So how much is the hospital bill?
tigerisabelle 31
Should have let Darwin take his course
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Comments (70)
SweetJane5522 22
Do u still have a husband?
psackett 15
She still does just he's half the man he used to be.
NickACD 27
God ******* damnit 94
NickACD 27
I'm sorry for your loss.
gobiteme2 34
You all need to pack and move southeast to Texas they know about these things.
pandalover69 26
We've hit our idiot quota for the decade, we can't handle anymore!
LivToFail 28
Man-child probably needs a band aid about now, or maybe 100 band aids.
Anony2014 10
Forget the band-aids, he probably needs a prosthetic limb or two right about now...
Soparot 29
I'm not sure how many exactly, but I'm guessing enough to reattach his head.
Mathalamus 25
Well, that sounds unpleasant if done wrong. Considering your tone, he got really lucky. As in, alive. Try telling him not to do that again. Withhold something. An angry husband is better than a severely injured or dead husband, right?
Alexandria79 22
don't withhold something and treat a man like a child. divorce him if he doesn't own a brain. being his mummy will be too damn difficult.
ballislife2324 14
48, u need to go **** yourself that's why u will never be married and if u are then it's to a dumass bum bitch
Lalala579121 28
I'm honestly surprised it took this long for someone to suggest divorce. Oh well, at least it's an official FML post now.
BellaP13 24
Follow up needed op!
iChompYa 18
I know I speak for all of fml when I say, how did that turn out
brenton490 19
So that's why we don't live longer than women!
mixximoo 24
Living life on the edge. I hope he is ok OP
Le_ponderer 14
Dear OP, your husband was simply practising his moves before try-outs for the next Jackass movie. Cut him some slack...