Today, I downloaded Hinge for the first time, only to have the first guy I match with to tell me, "I can’t wait to breed you and to knock you up." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found the girl I like’s Hinge account. Her prompts and things in common are exactly me and what I bring into a relationship, yet she rejected me. When I brought this up with her, she told me, “Well, you’re exactly what I want in a man, but I want someone taller with better looks.” FML
Today, I finally matched with someone on Tinder after using it for a month. I sent a message and they unmatched. FML
Today, I was swiping on Tinder when the app told me there was one else left to meet. I haven't had any matches. FML
Today, I convinced my roommate, who’s been single for a while, to get back in the dating game. He downloaded Tinder. His first match was my girlfriend. FML
Today, my Hinge date threw a fit because I refused to put out after he took me to an expensive restaurant. I told him, “If you spent over $200 with the expectation of pussy, you should have hired a prostitute instead.” He replied, “If all you wanted was to eat food and not fuck, you should have DoorDashed instead.” FML
Today, after 4 years of being single, I decided to go back to the dating scene. I downloaded Tinder. My matches run for the hills as soon as I show them a full body pic of myself. One guy even told me to delete the app from my phone, because if “guys wanted to go whaling, they’d go out to sea.” FML
Today, I matched with a woman on Tinder with whom I'd already talked on another dating app. The conversation had died out pretty quickly, so I was surprised she gave me a second chance. Her first message was to tell me how boring I was on the other app. FML
Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML
Today, I met my Bumble date. I was so excited because it’s my first date in 6 years. We exchanged hellos and he said he needed to use the restroom. Turns out he left. When I messaged him to ask what happened, he told me, “I agreed to go on a date with the hot girl in the photos, not a contestant from 'My 600lb Life'.” FML
Today, it was my first Grindr hookup (I know, I know…) and I ended up getting catfished by some random dude. I decided to just have a walk and get over it, but then I got followed by another random dude for 30 minutes. I can now confidently say I hate men. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
He sounds... ...wait on it... ...un-Hinged!
BurnInDemonFire 39
You tell those kinds of guys you're really a dude in drag.
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Comments (7)
RichardPencil 32
He sounds... ...wait on it... ...un-Hinged!
BurnInDemonFire 39
You tell those kinds of guys you're really a dude in drag.
123Puppy 33
What did you expect?
TheSminty1 17
How lucky are you!? Nobody ever wants to knock me up or breed me, nevermind both at the same time. Lucky sod, on your first go too!
pawesome21 21
Oh it must be soo hard to be soo attractive? Unless he thought you were actually a fat cow and he is a farmer wanting to inject you to raise a new calf,
Iamthebanzai22 21
Like.. Really? That is the comment that you post? I don't think looks are the reason why you are not getting laid.
julfunky 29
You don’t need to be attractive to receive those messages.
WistayShlaio82 13
There’s a difference between the two?