Today, my mom told me she was getting tired of the smell of marijuana in the house. So I confessed and told her I'll never bring it home again. She was talking about my neighbors. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, my mom smoked pot in my sister's bedroom while I was at school. When I noticed the stench, she blamed the cat. FML
Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML
Today, I came home to my parents holding my marijuana. They told me that I had the stupidest hiding place ever, and that I was, "not only a pothead, but a dumbfuck pothead." FML
Today, my mother has taken her drug paranoia to a new level. She threw away an open but nearly full bag of dried mint because she's sure I emptied and refilled the bag with marijuana to hide it from her. She then tried to ground me in my own house in front of my wife and daughter. FML
Today, I'd had it with my mom's addiction to weed, so I told her to choose between me or the weed. I'm currently looking on Craigslist for an apartment. FML
Today, I told my parents that I'm a smoker. My mother started crying, and said she worried I was gay, but this is almost as bad. That lead on to part two of my confession. FML
Today, my mom talked to me and my brother about how great it was that our cousin was getting away from drugs and becoming sober, as he would have so many more opportunities opened up for him now. She explained all this while sitting on our patio, smoking a blunt. FML
Today, my mom held an intervention for me. Yesterday, I told her I'd tried pot once. Seven years ago. FML
Today, my thieving, layabout stepmom planted weed in my bedroom and showed my dad. Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but her smirk and telling me later that I shouldn't fuck with her again seems conclusive to me. Goodbye freedom. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
senior_dingdong 0
and thats why you NEVER ASSUME damn teens today just give her a joint and tell her to calm the hell down
mtt9 0
nice neighbourhood.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (238)
blahhyerface 0
who caresss! pack another bowl!
Nother_Username 0
Prescicsley
TMENZER 0
not illegal in california i got a club card sucks to be the rest of you besides Colorado
xo_candy 0
What's with all this talk about legalization? Hasn't anyone heard of just simply, decriminalization? It's a fairly reasonable compromise between both sides. To all those who don't know, it means you can't get arrested for being in possession of a small amount (small by law, varies depending on where you are), thus clearing up the court systems for small possession. So, you can still smoke occasionally, however if you are dealing you'll be in for it, just like any other drug. Also, nobody seems to realize that like drinking, driving under the influence of pot is not a good idea. Driving under anything that can affect your judgement is not smart. This and because there is no accurate test that can tell if your incapable of driving, like the breathalyzer. If you can make a test that a police officer can use on you if s/he pulls you over on suspicion of driving while under the influence, you might have an arguement for legalization. Until then, its not going to happen.
willslick42 0
LMFAO DUMBASS
djavarice 0
Man there are some ignorant comments in here. People go out and drink themselves to death, throw up, break and vandalise stuff and get in fights but apparently im a terrorist-supporting evil doer for sitting at home blazing with a few mates. Bill Hicks said it right ''Making marijuana illegal is like saying god made a mistake''. Not that I believe in God, but i think that helps to highlight the hypocrisy that seems inherent in society at the moment. Also a lot of the people who have commented against green here seem to be following the massive trend of having never done it but still having a very strong opinion about it, those people should try thinking for themselves really. Its a nice feeling to know you're independent.
Petey_devil 0
Shiiiiiiit, It's just fmylife.com Everyone goes mad crazy arguing over weed. In case anyone remembers the subject of this page: Admitting to the pot was a stupid, stupid move XD
StephWinchester 0
In theory, pretty much every drug is made with chemicals. Apart from weed and shamantic plants, so it is completely natural. If you just so happen to light it, you know... There is nothing wrong with Marajuana, it is the oldest plant apart from Ferns etc. One of the Roman Emporers asked all his people to smoke weed because of the effect it has on people. It is not a gateway drug in any form, it opens doors to creativity and higher experiences. If Cigarettes and Alcohol were discovered tomorrow they would be made illegal immediatly because they have mind altering affects, alcohol is worse than marajuana with its affects. Everyone needs to chill out, roll up and pass the kutchie 'pon the left hand side.
Nother_Username 0
Amen
runitup 0
woah those are some cool neighbors if i were you id be raking their leafs and shoveling thier drive way to get paid in weed
g0o0_dj 0
wow people really need to relax smoking a cigaret is worst then smoking weed
Anteezy 7
"smoking a cigaret is worst then smoking weed" See what weed did to your brain moron? It should be: "A cigarette is worse than". I can't believe you failed so many times in such a short sentence.
JustGines 0
I bet she thought you did it to be cool. That's what my mom says. Like, what the ****? I do it to get high.