Today, my mom told me she was getting tired of the smell of marijuana in the house. So I confessed and told her I'll never bring it home again. She was talking about my neighbors. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
Today, my mom smoked pot in my sister's bedroom while I was at school. When I noticed the stench, she blamed the cat. FML
Today, my mom accused me of smoking weed. Truth is, I'd just ripped the quietest and weirdest smelling fart of my life. She wouldn't believe me, accused me of making stupid excuses up, and grounded me. FML
Today, I came home to my parents holding my marijuana. They told me that I had the stupidest hiding place ever, and that I was, "not only a pothead, but a dumbfuck pothead." FML
Today, my mother has taken her drug paranoia to a new level. She threw away an open but nearly full bag of dried mint because she's sure I emptied and refilled the bag with marijuana to hide it from her. She then tried to ground me in my own house in front of my wife and daughter. FML
Today, I'd had it with my mom's addiction to weed, so I told her to choose between me or the weed. I'm currently looking on Craigslist for an apartment. FML
Today, I told my parents that I'm a smoker. My mother started crying, and said she worried I was gay, but this is almost as bad. That lead on to part two of my confession. FML
Today, my mom talked to me and my brother about how great it was that our cousin was getting away from drugs and becoming sober, as he would have so many more opportunities opened up for him now. She explained all this while sitting on our patio, smoking a blunt. FML
Today, my mom held an intervention for me. Yesterday, I told her I'd tried pot once. Seven years ago. FML
Today, my thieving, layabout stepmom planted weed in my bedroom and showed my dad. Well, maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but her smirk and telling me later that I shouldn't fuck with her again seems conclusive to me. Goodbye freedom. FML
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Top comments
senior_dingdong 0
and thats why you NEVER ASSUME damn teens today just give her a joint and tell her to calm the hell down
mtt9 0
nice neighbourhood.
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Comments (238)
Qup 0
you can lose your life to MJ. it's insidious. you start smoking and suddening ten years later you look up and say what happeden to the past decade?
moonlight_daze 8
#53 Fails.
brilliantbarbie 0
Hmmm well I will tell you that When I look back and think "WTF was I doing the last 10 years" The answer will be getting a double bachelors, getting into law school, getting a law degree, working a full time job, living on my own, paying my bills, etc. Damn...it hasn't even been 10 years and Im one accomplished bitch!!! I think I may have to go blaze a nice joint now to pat myself on the back for all the things I have accomplished whilest enoying the sweet sweet pastime known as pot :)
BioMajor12 0
Most of you people are ridiculously stupid, marijuana can become addicting from the feeling it gives users, it has been proven to cause brain damage and even psychological problems, and it ***** with your heart big time. Plus it honestly makes people look like retards when they are using, nobody can actually expect to be successful in this world by using pot all the time. I hope that its never legalized.
moonlight_daze 8
"I hope that its never legalized." What does locking up a pot user accomplish anyway? Hell, what does locking up a coke user accomplish?
moonlight_daze 8
In my personal opinion, prison is extremely harmful to your health.
Mexistache 0
Not to mention that the last three American presidents smoked cannabis...
moonlight_daze 8
My questions were not rhetorical. I would really like someone to give me an answer.
nydarb 5
It definitely staves my arthritis enough so I can exercise, work, dance, hike, and go out in any way. Before I just had no motivation because of the aching. While I'm not sure whether it just makes me not care about the pain as much, or it actually helps with the pain, I'm just grateful It helps me participate in society in general.
veghead95 6
hahahha
djb23 0
YDI IT FOR SMOKING WEEDS. Seriously dude? Marijuana is sooo bad for you it gives you cancer and if you share joints you could get all sorts of STDs even AIDS. Scientists have already proven that every time you take a hit of the Devil's tobacco, 1 percent of your brain dies. That means a hundred hits would make you completely retarded and turn you into a vegetable! Also in a recent study they found that it's up to three times worse than smoking meth! Finally is it a coincidence that OJ smoked a joint before he killed Nicole and Ron Goldman? I think not. But who knows, I'm high as hell!
caitastrophe 0
#66, you're silly. :)
cherlana32 0
#66 FTW.
Besker 0
you're high, that part I'm not going to argue, but I think it's on your own stupidity. I'm going to disprove the easiest first. I've smoked marijunan for 3 years, I've had way more than 100 "hits" and I'm not braindead. second show us a case of someone who only smokes marijuana getting cancer. Show us the person, or better yet BRING THE TUMOR TOO. Third, I've never heard a study that found that all the added shit that is in ciggarettes are worse than marijuana that doesn't have embalming fluid and lead added in during production by greddy souless companies, and all that tasty *rolls eyes* stuff. Last you can't get AIDS or STD's if you're smoking with people you trust and know are clean, I can see maybe getting herpies from a joint but syphlysis? (I know I can't spell that, don't act like nazis about it) Now bend over and scream "I'M PWNED!" for me
Nother_Username 0
Thats a total lie
cherlana32 0
66 was obviously joking...
LinkandSaria 10
People. Please read the full comment. He was joking. Don't flip out bro
colonel_crunk 0
What an idiot you never assume or confess anything until someone actully points the finger to you prick
mylifestoryy 6
What are you talking about? lol xD You just deny, deny, deny lol
OMGitsKaleyxo 0
NICE! not.
katsina 0
To whom it may concern: watch the documentary "The Union: The Business Behind Getting High" and "Waiting to Inhale" The inhalation of smoke does in fact irritate the lungs, but that goes without saying as you're breathing in plant matter, similar to tobacco. Yet marijuana-only smokers have a lessened chance of developing cancer than non-smokers of any sort. Tobacco obviously increases the risk of developing cancer. Vaporizing, using water filtration (bongs), or extracted THC from marijuana eliminates any damage to the lungs, rendering it safe. These statements are EASILY confirmed by researching various reports, conducted by both independent AND U.S. government researchers. Most notably, the Shafer Report, was commissioned by President Nixon in 1972, and founded that under proper medical guidance, marijuana was an acceptable medicine and yielded few negative effects. For those who want to argue about cannabis being a gateway drug -- nonsense. People are led to assume that those who have smoked marijuana are more likely to try harder drugs, such as cocaine, heroin, PCP, Ketamine, MDMA/Ecstasy, etc. Well, under the United States' prohibition of marijuana, this is true. Those who want marijuana have to buy it illegally, except in California where it is medically legal, going through criminal channels in order to purchase it from the same people who MIGHT be dealing the "harder" drugs. So, as a result of the legality, it is a gateway drug. The same thing happened with the prohibition of alcohol in 1920-1933, there was an increase in crime, plummet in gross national income, and advance of using harder drugs. But now alcohol is legal, there are less problems, and fewer people ever get turned on to those more infamous substances. There's obviously medicinal use for cannabis, too, which is well-explored in Waiting to Inhale. Such uses include treating anorexia, insomnia, glaucoma, multiple sclerosis, cancer/chemo therapy, wasting in AIDS patients, menstrual cramps, migraines, asthma (believe it!) and hundreds of other conditions or diseases. Marijuana can treat pain that opiates cannot, with virtually no physical dependence, and for fractions of the coast. Sure, it might be habituating, but marijuana is easy to give up. Tobacco smokers, or alcohol drinkers, cannot claim the same. Also, there are no deaths directly attributed to marijuana usage. We've already covered that cancer is no issue with this, and there is no possible way to overdose on marijuana: it would take an equivalent of 15,000 joints in 20 minutes in order to absorb a lethal dose of THC, the active ingredient in marijuana. Marijuana is safe. If there are any other questions of claims against this, I will gladly answer or explain these statements, or supplement them with the proper credentials and information.
ibaneziceman 0
Weed hasn't helped my asthma. At all. So there goes that "fact" out the window.
katsina 0
Vaporize, bro.
cherlana32 0
Just because it didn't help you doesn't mean that it has never been shown to help asthma. Chemo doesn't work on every cancer patient, but that doesn't mean it's not true that chemo can help cancer.
_pk_ 0
And this is the proof of how pot kills your brain cells.
timtam24 0
*face-palm*
Jimboom 12
Well said. You go #80. :)
pennguitarist14 0
I always find it funny when people say pot smokers are not successful. I'll remember to tell that to the next aeronautical engineer I work with. Steve Jobs loves lsd and look at how successful he is: he made Apple Computers. Big successful tokers I could list off right now would be Bill Mayer and Ted Turner. Have any replies naysayers ? I bet if you were born in the 30s, you would still believe African-Americans were subhumans. You simply believe what you are told. America doesn't do a good job of getting the truth on anything, instead we get more propaganda than anything.