Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, a man on the subway serenaded me. That's not the issue. He was cross-eyed, making it hard for me not to laugh in his face. FML
Today, I was on a crowded el train listening to my iPod touch. As I stepped off the train, my headphones got caught on a man's jacket and my iPod fell on the floor. The doors shut. I then watched the train pull away. With my iPod on it. FML
Today, I went on a busy train. I packed myself in close to a very good looking woman and, too scared to say anything, looked out the window. After feeling a hand on my ass, I assumed it was her. To not ruin the moment, I didn't look back. After a few stops, I looked back. It was an old man. FML
Today, while watching a movie on my iPad, a really cute girl sat next to me. Suddenly, everyone on the bus started clapping. I started to clap very loudly as well, asking the girl why we were clapping. She gave me a strange look. I then realized the applause was coming from my headphones. FML
Today, I was on a train when an old man standing next to me very obviously checked me out, caught my eye, and winked. He spent the next five minutes rubbing his penis against my leg. When I turned to tell him off, the train lurched, and the old man fell face first into my breasts. FML
Today, I was sitting on the train when some crazy man started talking to me. I ignored him, and he tapped on my shoulder. He started blabbing and I just pointed to my ears and mouthed, "I'm deaf." He stopped talking. A minute later my phone rang and I answered it without thinking. FML
Today, I was on the train when I fell asleep. Everything would have been fine but I was suddenly jerked awake by the very loud sound of my own fart, followed by the stares of many strangers. FML
Today, I got mugged by a midget. FML
Today, I had my earbuds in while walking to work. I was so into a particular song that I didn't notice I was singing out loud despite people being around. A random jogger gave me a thumbs-up and said, "Shit voice, wrong lyrics." FML
Today, I took the subway. The man sitting across from me would not stop staring at my breasts, so when the train came to my stop, I said, "Nothing to see now, asshole." Then I noticed his white walking stick as he got up to get off. He was blind. FML
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Top comments
GrooveSponge 0
:D that's so unfortunate...I hope he didn't kick you in the taco.
Doortje 30
At least you enjoyed it for a short while.
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Comments (109)
Smashley91 2
lie!
creedaddict 9
Who has that song on there iPod ..
ladyLALAA 29
92 that kitten picture is so cute!
bitchesbcrazy 0
Well at least now you know he doesn't work on the chocolate river
jennt89 10
who has that song on their iPod really?
stoych 19
This is actually one of the funniest FML's i have ever read! cringeworthy, yes, funny, yes, glad it wasn't me, yes! ticks all the boxes for me!
ree2ree 3
I couldn't stop laughing lol
MIDMichele 5
Failure.
SamLiveFree_77 9
Who has that song in their ipod? Oh yeah, apparently you do OP.
topazoo 5
You have the Oompa Loompa song on your iPod?
l0v3p4in 7
I wish I was there to witness that. It brings a smile to my face just reading it. :)