Intimacy Slick move - FML

Slick move

FMLFMLFMLFML - 29/05/2009 17:52 - United States

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said, "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

The Scatman

Mandy - 13/03/2022 10:00

Today, I accidentally sharted during sex with a guy I’ve been seeing. I was seriously embarrassed, but he was excited about “new territory we can explore together.” FML

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Anonymous - 14/12/2018 14:00

Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML

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fjafja - 07/03/2009 06:34 - Canada

Today, I was having a one night stand with a guy. He told me he wanted to do it doggie style, I said okay, and as soon as I bent over on the bed, looked at me and said, "Let's do this with the lights off". FML

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Dramaqueenfornothing - 27/04/2016 22:32 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML

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Bawo - 02/06/2009 01:20 - United States

Today, I was getting it on with my cute guy friend in his candlelit bedroom and we had just started tearing each other's clothes off. I decided to be coy and sexy and flip my hair to the side. As I did so, my long hair caught in the flames of his lit candles and caught half of my head on fire. FML

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Pure animal magnetism

Anonymous - 29/01/2015 21:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had a one-night stand. After holding in my farts all night, as you should, I decided enough was enough and tried to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out; instead I shat myself in her bed. I was naked at the time, so was unable to hide it. FML

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It's a gas gas gas

Anonymous - 12/05/2021 10:01 - United States - Schertz

Today, as my husband normally initiates sex and sometimes I want to but always chicken out, I was feeling brave and did so. After he came, he continued working on me and I farted. I embarrassingly apologized and he said it was ok and kept going. I then continued to fart, and I had to stop. FML

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Heather212 - 26/10/2017 07:26

Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML

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Smooth talker

pixie - 17/02/2009 08:10 - United States

Today, I had sex for the first time with a guy. After he passionately made love to me, I turned to him and said, "You smell really good." He turned to me and said, "You don't." FML

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mary - 09/08/2012 18:10 - United Kingdom

Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML

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Minorchord 4

Friday 29 May 2009 22:28

Perfectly normal, mature adult behavior. Nothing at all to be concerned about. Not whatsoever.

heavyop 0

Friday 29 May 2009 22:33

Wait, did he leave immediately after that without saying anything? Cause if he did, he sure knows how to make an exit.

spank_u_veryhard 0

Friday 29 May 2009 23:18

neither FYL or YDI because that is GREAT lmao

ImAllFailure 0

Friday 29 May 2009 23:19

Where do you look for guys, the toddler section?

lazorzpewpew 0

Friday 29 May 2009 23:20

Lol, how freaked out would he be if you did it right after him?! O_O :D

I_See_Monkeys 0

Friday 29 May 2009 23:21

very classy. good job.

ImAllFailure 0

Friday 29 May 2009 23:22

I hate it when people do something totally stupid, and then someone else does it, and then THEY are the ones that look grossed out!

Jaywin 3

Friday 29 May 2009 23:23

I'm actually surprised that you didn't go at it again as soon as that happened. Nothing gets women turned on more than fire...from your ass.

ImAllFailure 0

Friday 29 May 2009 23:26

#57! yeah, because that's a sure-fire way to get babes! joking, but seriously, it's weird!

alex_vik 0

Friday 29 May 2009 23:28

And that's why you don't have sex with random people.

SarlaccBits 0

Friday 29 May 2009 23:28

Ok, that's just damn funny. And why be mortified? Get a grip. Life is WAY too short to take it so seriously. Lighten the **** up people!

lewalrus 4

Friday 29 May 2009 23:29

#12, you got it right

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my mother turned up drunk at my house with a chocolate cake for my 14th birthday. I'm 27, I haven’t seen her in 6 years, I'm allergic to chocolate, and when she saw that I had 2 kids, she wanted to know why I'd bothered, since kids are always "such a disappointment". FML

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Today, my fiancé and I decided to engage in some erotic food play. She covered every region of my body, including my genitals, with strawberry sauce. Today also happens to be the day that I found out I'm allergic to strawberries. FML

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Today, my husband accused me of cheating on him and demanded to look through my phone. When he found nothing, he admitted to having his first gay experience this weekend and just wanting something to “even the field” before telling me. FML

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Today, I broke my mirror off going to the drive-through at McDonald's. Even the cashier watching was like, "Fuck, dude." FML

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Today, I was waiting in line at a clothes store when someone cut in in front of me, and the gentlemen in front of me. I shouted, "Hey! Queue starts back here!". He responded by pointing out the "gentlemen" in front was actually a very realistic mannequin. FML

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Today, my girlfriend said that while she was playing volleyball, her whole life flashed before her eyes. According to her grandmother, my girlfriend is now psychic. She completely believes it. FML

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