Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said, "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I accidentally sharted during sex with a guy I’ve been seeing. I was seriously embarrassed, but he was excited about “new territory we can explore together.” FML
Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML
Today, I was having a one night stand with a guy. He told me he wanted to do it doggie style, I said okay, and as soon as I bent over on the bed, looked at me and said, "Let's do this with the lights off". FML
Today, while being intimate with my future husband, I reached over to stroke his cheek. The light behind him cast a shadow over my chest, and it scared me so much, I screamed then I farted on him. FML
Today, I was getting it on with my cute guy friend in his candlelit bedroom and we had just started tearing each other's clothes off. I decided to be coy and sexy and flip my hair to the side. As I did so, my long hair caught in the flames of his lit candles and caught half of my head on fire. FML
Today, I had a one-night stand. After holding in my farts all night, as you should, I decided enough was enough and tried to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out; instead I shat myself in her bed. I was naked at the time, so was unable to hide it. FML
Today, as my husband normally initiates sex and sometimes I want to but always chicken out, I was feeling brave and did so. After he came, he continued working on me and I farted. I embarrassingly apologized and he said it was ok and kept going. I then continued to fart, and I had to stop. FML
Today, I sat down on my bed completely naked in front of my husband and said, "Man, it's hot in here!" while spreading my legs. He just blew on my vagina, asked if that was better, and then walked away. FML
Today, I had sex for the first time with a guy. After he passionately made love to me, I turned to him and said, "You smell really good." He turned to me and said, "You don't." FML
Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML
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Top comments
Minorchord 4
Perfectly normal, mature adult behavior. Nothing at all to be concerned about. Not whatsoever.
heavyop 0
Wait, did he leave immediately after that without saying anything? Cause if he did, he sure knows how to make an exit.
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Comments (283)
alwaysalady 0
Wow. I mean wow. How old was this dude? 13? Also, I didn't know that really worked.....
MsSippi 0
The fact that he left is probably better. I can only imagine things would be super freaking awkward afterwards.
Eugene6973 0
Your pussy must be super loose, happens when you're a ***** and have sex with every new guy you see, bet you like to eat **** to.
evilwoody 0
That's a win. Hands down.
jrl585 0
tell the dude to only do shit like that in front of his bar buddies
uj_fml 4
thats what you get for picking up 12 year olds
hk_fml 9
Ewww. What an immature person, he needs to grow up. That isnt the type of shit that you pull with someone new, or with anyone for that matter
Mata_Hari 0
At least he did it AFTER you had sex? LMFAO.
DanIsTheMan 1
you probably suck in bed and he was thinking "What can i do at this instant that would totally turn her off so she won't call me again...Light a fart on fire!!!!!!!!!!!"
ImAllFailure 0
#71! YES! because the answer to anyone's problems is to suddenly light a fart on fire....right