Today, my daughter wasn't feeling well, so we allowed her to sleep in bed with us. She snuggled right up with my husband. I felt a little jealous until she turned around and cuddled with me, just long enough to throw up all over me. She then flipped back over and snuggled with her dad. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML
Today, I was trying to sleep when I saw a head looming from the darkness with no eyes and a mouth open like a silent scream. I just froze and pissed myself. It was my daughter wanting to cuddle with us. Alas, the bed was wet, so she got put back in her bed, while we had to share the sofa downstairs. FML
Today, I had to share my room with my cousin while she stayed over. I let her take my bed while I slept on the floor. Not only do my back and neck hurt, but I had to clean vomit out of my hair. Apparently, she "wasn't feeling well" last night. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a kinda wet feeling. When I put the lights on, I realized that my baby must have had a stomach bug and had puked all over the bed. That was when I realized that I had a stomach bug too and puked on my poor little baby. FML
Today, my 3-year-old fell asleep in our bed while cuddling me, and I let him stay since he was being so sweet. In the middle of the night, he took off his pants and pissed all over my head and back. FML
Today, while we were sleeping, my girlfriend and I rolled to opposite sides of the bed. When I woke up, I moved closer and wrapped my arm around her. Her response was to fart in her sleep, resulting in a smell so noxious that I had no choice but to roll back to the other side. FML
Today, my son climbed into our bed because he'd had a nightmare. He and my wife spent hours whispering and giggling like they were at a slumber party. Cute, until the next morning, when they were both tired, grumpy, and uncooperative. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, I greeted my girlfriend with a spinning hug. She got motion sickness and threw up all over me. FML
Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML
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Top comments
DestinyNiya 33
Aren't kids lovely?
Toughsky 23
I wouldn't take it too seriously OP. Yeah she turned just to vomit on you but it really doesn't mean much. I'm sure she just didn't know what to do when she felt the need to vomit and just turned around.
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Comments (65)
DestinyNiya 33
Aren't kids lovely?
EvilTurtle 35
No, who told you this?
ThePols 11
The sarcasm is weak with you, #7.
MissCloudy249 14
Oh, the irony, #22.
Stuffaluffagus 25
Glad I'm never having any
arodven 18
My daughter is just like this.
mwali02 32
Your daughter is pretty adorable, though, so I guess you'll be okay! ;)
Toughsky 23
I wouldn't take it too seriously OP. Yeah she turned just to vomit on you but it really doesn't mean much. I'm sure she just didn't know what to do when she felt the need to vomit and just turned around.
Vagitarian1 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Jealous!!!??? Of your daughter??? I think you may have some deeper issues.
TiiBags 15
*Jealous of her husband, or at least the fact that the daughter cuddled with him instead of her.
henrylikestreats 22
She was jealous of her daughter favoring her husband instead of her. It is normal in unless it gets out of hand.
EvilTurtle 35
Aww, she just wanted to show you that she loves you, by throwing up you.
Sebastian2022 22
She's daddy's girl. Just like my sister. I personally snuggled more with my mom back in the day. :)
Zacky_Chan 22
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Feeling the love, literally
aimzskee 30
No.
TimeForPlanB 14
so "your daughter" seems to be rather "your daughter". (oh english, you wonderful language, always so precise)
EvilTurtle 35
Am I the only one who doesn't get this comment?
TiiBags 15
No #10
ThePols 11
You literally just said the same thing twice. What are you doing with your life? If you're going to comment on the English language, make sure you use it correctly.
TimeForPlanB 14
I'm fine, thank you for worrying about my life. I have no problem to admit that english isn't my mother language, so showing so much care you can probably teach me how to say that it's not only her daughter but their daughter. afaik "your" can be both singular and plural. I know... a cheap joke, and even worse when it has to be explained...
chlorinegreen 27
I still don't really get it... Her daughter, but their daughter? Yes to both.
MissCloudy249 14
I'm assuming that because #8's native language isn't English, he's referring to the fact that in English our "your" doesn't specify whether it's plural or singular (which it can and it's the same with "you"). Whereas, in many other languages, it does specify. Spanish for example: you (singular) = tu and you (plural) = ustedes. So I can kind of understand his confusion. I, for one, sort of agree that other languages specify it better (and English is my first language). However, I have no idea what #8 is referring to... Just wanted to clear the "your" confusion up.
Death_of_all 14
Where I'm from, sometimes when things go (slightly) wrong, the one parent will jokingly say "your daughter" instead of "our daughter", for example "your daughter vomited all over me last night". So to me, #8's post seemed to say "your daughter"(both OP's and her husband's) is now "your daughter" (only OP's husband's).
Allison_leah23 17
I think #39 has it right! Round of applause! I was so confused reading this string
PenguinBitch 44
That was a defense mechanism. Similar to when skunks spray. Finish her with the RKO!
Sora_McKain 36
I instantly thumb you down for even mentioning that person in my presence, how I hate him.
AyOoDaLoBo33 10
Ohh yeah #33, well I thumbed her back up just because you said that!
TheSwegMaster69 11
RKO OUTTA NOWHERE!!!
teyyoshi 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
girls are more intimate with dad 。。。
evilamoebaattack 20
wrong word...
vipirius 18
Oedipus is that you?
SirMichael 13
Not really #20, intimate doesn't always mean sexual.
russfml 31
In this situation the word plutonic is a bit more appropriate but I know what ya meant lol
chinaski7628 32
I believe 'plutonic' is a kind of rock. 'Platonic' is the word you're looking for :)
brssps1 19
Actually @28, more like Electra. Oedipus did it to his mom whereas Electra competed with her mother for her father.
worldclassrager 41
Either way if she turned or not she could have vomited on your husband...it in a way I could say was fate that decided that