Today, I left early from a trashy dance and bought a soda at a Shell station. The clerk asked me if I had been smoking weed. When I replied, "No", he said, "You mean you always look like that?" FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML
Today, I got pulled over for a broken taillight. When I rolled down the window, the cop asked me if I was smoking crack. When I told him I didn't do drugs, he didn't believe me since he could detect a foul odor coming from my car. I'd just passed gas big time. FML
Today, upon arriving at a town festival, I was immediately singled out by a rent-a-cop. He began questioning if I had been drinking, saying he smelt it on my breath. He smelt his own breath. FML
Today, when I went to the gas station to buy beer, some underage punk outside asked me to buy him booze. I told him to get bent, but the dumbass cashier had seen me talking to him, and refused to let me buy alcohol because, "This is obviously a sting." FML
Today, I got pulled over for speeding. I know that I was in the wrong and will take responsibility for that. When the cop handed me my ticket, he asked me if I was smoking crack. I denied it because I don't do drugs. He asked me what that foul odor was. I was passing gas. FML
Today, I was walking down the sidewalk and heard a little girl ask her dad why I had blue hair. He said, "Sometimes drugs will make people do stupid things." FML
Today, in a grocery store, the cashier asked if we found everything OK. Before I could answer, my kid said, “Mom says the shop smells like poor people.” I don’t even remember saying that, but judging by the cashier’s face it must be a family business. FML
Today, while in line at the grocery store, I was going over the witty but caustic things I wish I'd said in an argument earlier. Turns out, I was saying them out loud. The cashier gave me a weird look and said, “Are you okay, ma'am?” FML
Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML
Today, my coworker told me that I needed to quit smoking because it was making me look and smell horrible. I've never smoked in my life. FML
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Top comments
MrSassypants 34
26 it's a shell station own by Sally that sells those seashells at a seashore. She doesnt make much money because well she is selling seashells at a seashore and people can just go to the shore and get the seashells by themselves. So Sally, she started selling soda at her seashell store located by the seashore so she can make more cash.
FlashBurn 13
Dude, I have a problem with dry eyes and I swear it always looks like I'm stoned. I've even been asked at work! Of course I don't smoke anything, and even passed the drug test. Use eye drops, lol.
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Comments (150)
adare 0
Stop saying weed smokers, it's potheads or stoners. -_- Weed smokers sound so freaking stupid
HarleyCycle 0
Soooo you loomed well relaxed? lol
RinaRina 9
guyliner :D more like gayliner (no offence though, i am not a homophobe) bur hell no i would never date a man with makeup... eww...
EmmaLiSylvest 0
that sucks
lakeybalboa 0
97 wants people to see inner beauty cause shes fat
WOLFST3ALTH 0
pop a cap in his dome
KevinTranVA 0
I get that all the time it's ok
elenarox 1
ahaha this is the first FML that actually made me laugh so hard!! too funny!!
Metalman2 0
people sometimes say that about me but they are usually dumb asses at school
TobyFunke 3
he was probably hitting on you and was a stoner himself. after all, he's working at a gas station. if you are a chick, understand that more than half the time a guy/man asks you a stupid or weird sounding question, he's trying to hit on you...