asnolt
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Sex Ed is broken
Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Bristol, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend that, yes, I can get pregnant even if I don't actually have an orgasm. FML
Anonymous
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Prissy
Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
unknown
Courtenay, Canada 🌶️ Spicy
You what?
Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML
Anonymous
Canada 🌶️ Spicy
Worried dad
Today, I tried to explain to my daughter why she couldn’t have a sleepover with her boyfriend yet. She said, "If you're so worried about me having sex, then you failed as a father because I've already banged four guys." FML
sorry, kiddo
Brussels, Belgium 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I was explaining to my son that porn isn't a realistic depiction of sex. Just as I finished explaining to him that threesomes rarely happen in real life, he started crying. I feel like a dream-crushing monster. FML
Noname
New Zealand 🌶️ Spicy
Stop talking!
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
anonymous
Spring Valley, United States
Today, I picked my 12-year-old daughter up from school after her first sexual education lecture. She burst into tears on the way home explaining her fears of being pregnant with her boyfriend's child. As if that doesn't sound bad enough, I've met her boyfriend before. He is imaginary. FML
kinky
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, I had to explain to my doctor and parents that I dislocated my shoulder while masturbating. FML
younggrammy
United States 🌶️ Spicy
Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML
Anon
How could you?
Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML
Top comments
GiggidyPants 0
Jesus, I guess sex ed is important after all.
360XBOXFTW 0
wait... thats not normal?
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Comments (305)
GothicAngel17 24
Oh Dear Goddess, this made me laugh soooo hard! Seriously though, OP. Obviously her mother kept her from learning anything about sex (since it's partially her job and partially the school's job to teach her such things). Or perhaps it was you? If it was, you should not not be so protective of your daughter. Get her mum to sit her down and have "the talk". IMMEDIATELY.
joa76 3
Why do you assume she HAS a mother? Maybe he's a single parent. The girl's mom could be dead, or she could have ran off with no contact.
GothicAngel17 24
Well OBVIOUSLY then he'd sit her down himself.
geeksaresexy 18
Why is it the mother's job? It's a PARENTS job. If you have the luxury of having two parents it might make sense to have the mum tell the girls and the dad tell the boys. I don't see why it has to be that way though!
GothicAngel17 24
Well I don't have the luxury of having two parents, and even if I did, I wouldn't want my father sitting me down and having that talk! I'd prefer Mum. It's too awkward otherwise. But I'm not saying that that's everyone.
Isa_fml 20
That is tragic. You raised this moron. Congrats.
kg163401 0
You can't get pregnant from masturbating? **** MY life. I'm gonna go rub one out in celebration
ajwoolliscroft 0
I hope our government see this and realize the importance of Sex Ed in schools :/
slinkydee 2
thats not normal! most kids know from a relatively early age from tv that you need a mummy and daddy to make a baby. YDI. as the parent, you need to give your kids sex education. enough said
baconboy_42 8
Good old abstinence only programs.
hellokeroppi 5
*****
maryhadalamb17 1
Fail for not teaching your kid about sex. Oh, do go and burst her bubble some more and tell her storks don't bring babies. This world could REALLY use some sex smart teens.
jsaxon1996 0
slap him and break his iPod!!
phill119 2
she's an idiot