Today, I asked my friend what form of birth control she used the first time she had sex. She stared at me like I was from another planet and said, "You can't get pregnant the first time..." This moron is my best friend. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my 16-year-old cousin told me she was "late." When I asked if she could be pregnant, she said no, because, "You can't get pregnant the first time you have sex." I ended up having to give her the sex talk. FML
Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML
Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML
Today, my friend and I were having a casual discussion about sex. Blowjobs came up and my friend said she'd never dared to give one, arguing that swallowing sperm can make you pregnant. I then had to go on with a 30 minute argument with her on how that's not possible. She's 26. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get intimate for the first time. He said he didn't want to use a condom, and that I should just give him one of my birth control pills instead, "so we can still be just as safe". What the hell? FML
Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she is pregnant. I asked how it could be possible, since she's on birth control. She said she didn't know her antibiotics would interfere with it. She's a pharmacist. FML
Today, I told my friend I hadn't had a period in 5 months. She asked me if I was pregnant. When I asked her if I looked 5 months pregnant, she replied, "Is that supposed to be a trick question?" FML
Today, my girlfriend told me that she's pregnant. She'd told me she was on birth control, so I asked her to show me. She had been sticking the pills up her vagina like a suppository. FML
Today, my friend told me she wanted to get pregnant. I thought that was good news, but then she said she wanted my boyfriend to be the father of her baby. FML
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Top comments
niiick97_fml 3
what a dumbass
rattusrattus 19
I would say she should get together with the boys who think girls don't pee/poop/fart/burp... but I really don't want these idiots to breed.
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Comments (298)
Bedul 0
The best way for not getting pregnant is being a man.
BUFFAL0H 0
win hahaha
Yung23 0
Lmfao
Wandering_Ninja 8
Homosexuality works well too.
Decodedman 1
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say hetero or ****, it doesn't matter, men still are pregnant-proof.
justalilrandom2 4
How about that guy who likes to doink cars, I don't think he will be getting a call from his chevy saying "I just did a test, my mechanic says I'm pregnant, it's yours."
caaklove 0
just because men don't carry the baby doesn't mean they aren't just a responsible for the woman being pregnant. when "I" was pregnant, my fiancé and I always Said WE are pregnant. we both had a hand in becoming pregnant so we both took responsibility and I think that's how EVERYONE should see it.
PSQ91 6
He's dutch, he was stoned anyways
dudeitsdanny 10
Unless you're in a hottub, in which case you can get pregnant without even having sex. But really, your friend is a moron. I'd love to hear her other methods.
barb_pointe 0
You can't get preganant in a hot tub unless you are actually having sex, t's one of those assumptions that under-educated people think. Sperm isn't gonna swim across the tub and impregnate a woman.
jemama 1
Glee reference - like it.
otheriBlair 0
The sperm dies right away when its in clorene.
nancyfantastic 3
not to mention various sperm killing chemicals and the way above human body temperature...
dudeitsdanny 10
Dunno about clorene, my hottub uses chlorine. No, not really. I no haz. But yes, it was a Glee reference. I didn't know that was an actual pregnancy myth. Wow. I actually thought the myth was that it's impossible to get pregnant in a hottub/pool. Either way.. GLEE. Like it or hate it, I just alluded to it.
Horsempeg 25
Definetly a myth. If you have sex on your period you can get pregnent too. OP, I feel bad for your friend. Hopefully shes not ttrying to reproduce anytime soon! Educate her!
jdengel 0
how is this an fml?
mismonroe 0
No, but you WILL get syphilis and die.
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
I'll never know what I missed in health that day...
DcommaChloe 3
Now everybody take some rubbers.
anggface 0
hahaha^^ (:
sourgirl101 29
Does she also think you can't get pregnant if you're on your period? Hey, some people truly don't know everything about sex until they're educated about it. Tell her what needs to be learned or watch your best friend learn things the hard way. And of course, count your lucky stars you know better.
justalilrandom2 4
I actually know someone this dumb, who believes everything you just said. She got prejudge first time, waited 5 days and then took the morning after pill. Some people should just be banned from procreating.
belieber1209 0
why would u even have sex on ur period?
justalilrandom2 4
A good sailor always sails in the Red Sea... It's also known as doing a Dracula and is the filthiest thing of all time. I've known girls who thought tampons could be used as contraceptives, after getting it hammered in by their boyfriends they had to have a doctor remove it. o.o
rawr9able 4
195 that is awesome; tampons, the new condom!Also it's second filthiest next to anal. But most people 'ride the red tide' because it's more sensative, stops cramping and what not. Periods shouldn't be shunned so much, it's natural sure it may be gross if you can't stand blood but yeah. O_o
Fsvb 32
@ 23 you can't get pregnant on your period, since sperm will only live (inside the womb) for 2 to 3 days and the woman is fertile for mostly 5 days, starting about 2 weeks after the period and about 2 weeks before the next one. Or so, that is what they taught me.
unlifeoftheparty 10
they taught you wrong then. sperm can live for around 8 days. it is possible, it does happen.
JGoD24 5
That's why 12 year olds shouldn't have sex.
ChristinaLove138 0
lmfao wow. my friend you have chosen the 2% chance to succeed in Health class girl
BT14 5
wow
nutsackmuscle 0
i wanna not get her pregnant cause it will be our first time. (:
hook_em 0
http://images.zaazu.com/img/wtf-wtf-shock-surprise-smiley-emoticon-000703-facebook.gif
hook_em 0
my pic never showed up but I agree with the first guy WOW!!!!!
justalilrandom2 4
You all know that picture isn't real right?
hook_em 0
who gives a crap if it's real or not you dip wad it's still deserves a WOW
hook_em 0
but do tell us how we are wrong by this being a fake pic since you just seem to know it all by your profile
Valerie55_fml 0
wow I got prego my first time and that's when I was 14 grr I'm now 28 my daughter is 13 it's true U CAN GET PREGNANT THE FIRST TIME U HAVE SEX ur friend is a ******* idiot
sourgirl101 29
My mother in law became pregnant with my husband the first time she had sex too. Everything happens for a reason! (:
jsx12345 0
WTF, your mother in law knocked up ur husband? that just means, mother son sex. White people!
BeautyMonster 17
She means that the first time her mother in law, she became pregnant with @42's HUSBAND.
calvin10 0
haha, look who's talking #28. Looks like she isn't the only ******* idiot... ;-)
klonopin_ftw 0
maybe you shouldn't have gone and had sex at 14. now, doesn't it seem better to just steal your mom or sisters vibrator instead of shoving a 7 pound breathing football out of your ****** at 14? I think it does.
MC18 0
that must have been so hard:(
shaaayyee 0
28 it's your fault, don't complain.
klonopin_ftw 0
79, that's what she said.
LadyClarik 8
#80, Nowhere in her post does she complain. She just states that it is possible to get pregnant your first time & that it happened to her. Personally, I think #28 is brave as hell for taking responsibility for her actions and has my respect for having to put up with judgmental pricks like you.
cherry72 13
hunh did I read this wrong? your mother in law got pregnant with your husband??? um wouldn't that make her his mom??? or maybe that was just a huge typo on your part???
gloomyxpanda 0
you did read it wrong. 42 meant her mother in law had a son, who became 42's husband lol.
rinoa_fml 10
Nothing wrong with sex at age 14 if you're smart enough to not get pregnant.
onlyyoushawty6 0
218 your an idiot -.-
5t3ff1k4h 47
I actually agree. If you're smart enough to know how to not get pregnant AND smart enough to effectively protect yourself against STIs, who cares if you have sex at 14?
mongoosemike 23
Good point 254.
FairyTales_fml 6
lol that's how I came to be lol